Sorry for forgetting to count my blessings God. Anger engulfed me just now. I need to be constantly reminded of Your love , Man's imperfect love is not the joy of my life but Your perfect love will make up for what I lacked.

It feels kinda of good to have a God to rant to.

To be contented with what I have and what I am put into






One way to counter attack self pity and anger- count your blessings.

then you will realise,

you are indeed blessed!






The human heart is like a plot of land. It needs to be plowed and overturn to be suitable soil for growing crops. Sometimes we wonder why must we feel all kinds of feelings, sadness, anger, frustration, etc. I guess God is doing His work on this plot of land by turning the soil over and extracting the rocks from it to be make a land of crops. Though the process is tedious, but at least we can look forward to the harvest . Sadly, there are hearts who refused to let God come in. Therefore, the rocks in it remains, the soil hardens and finally it becomes a land of waste.

help me remember all that you said.


























MY NEW FAVOURITE GUY!

PRESENTING TO YOU

CRAYON SHIN CHAN

Shinchan is the main characters in the anime "Crayon Shinchan." Shinchan is a small kindergarden-aged boy with Chuck Manson eyebrows and a very distinctive voice that will burn itself deep into your brain. He has very strange interests compare to the other normal kids. He like to check out beautiful girls, make his mother angry, playing stupid games imitating that superman, beg his mother to buy toys, and reading books without buying them at the bookstore (the bookstore is like a library to him).

Today district was tiring yet fun:D
And thank You for leading us when we were lost and didnt know how to go home.
Thank You for the peace and calmness you put in my heart through the long journey home though I knew I broke the curfew.
Thank You for opening the door in unexpected way though it was locked.

I still remember last year, when I was stranded in some place, not knowing how to go to tianruo house. With no cash to take bus, no handphone and 3 bags of belongings with me. There I was, plagued with the feeling of helplessness and frustration towards You, not trusting that You will help, not trusting that You will be that faithful towards me.

What a difference it makes. Trust and disbelief. Situations stays but my heart attitude changed. There is joy now.

now I can proclaim , God is good all the times

"Ask and you will be given what you ask for. Seek, and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks, receives. Anyone who seeks, finds. If only you will knock, the door will be open." Matthew 7:7-8






This year, like last year , has not been a breeze for me.
Filled with ups and downs, emotion breakdowns, anger, frustrations , tears , emoness or whatever it is.
But nevertheless, this 6 months are a learning experience for me. There are so many things that I can give thanks for. Things that God used to encourage me.

Things to give thanks for

1) Class relationship has improved tremendously and I really love all the fun times we have this year( especially during lesson times)

2) A breakthrough in the relationship between me and joane. ( I also dunno how God did it but it just happened miraculously)

3) First major quarrel with bestie but now we are closer than ever:D

4) True Friends in my life that I realised that I can depend on and thank them for being willing to be by my side

5) Restoration of joy in my heart( regardless of the situation, i know you are with me)

6) Financial blessings from God in form of tuition jobs

7)Lastly, times God break me and mould me to make me a better person and realise my mistakes and to be soft before Him

Of course, there are areas in my life that I ought to grow in and have not yet matured
1) honour your parents( yes yes yes it probably take a long time but I guess I cant escape . I ought to grow though i dont know how but well, God will guide)
2) discipline( another area that I failed terribly. I really really really must buck up)
3) Love ( not to put judgement on others easily but instead love them just the way they are)

ALRIGHTS!







Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our path, is the perfect preparation for a future only He can see.

Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden.

When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.

Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible.

Discernment is God's call to intercession, never to faultfinding.

Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.

Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.

The first step on the way to victory is to recognize the enemy.

If God has called you, do not spend time looking over your shoulder to see who is following.

-corrie ten boom

There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still". -Betsie Ten Boom






Start a day wrong and end a day bad. It really amuses me how they can manage to bring out all the negative emotions in me. Seriously, only they have the ability. What a joke.

I am not afraid now. Dont try your luck.

Ecc 12:6 Or ever the {o} silver cord shall be loosed, or the golden {p} bowl be broken, or the {q} pitcher be broken at the {r} fountain, or the {s} wheel broken at the {t} cistern.

(o) Meaning, the marrow of the backbone and the sinews.

(p) The little skin that covers the brain, which is in colour like gold.

(q) That is, the veins.

(r) Meaning the liver.

(s) Which is the head.

(t) That is, the heart out of which the head draws the powers of life.

我是小白 小新的朋友

一只13年前被他拣到的狗

全白的我 被他说像是软绵绵的棉花糖

因为看起来很好吃的样子 所以就被他抱回家了

从那一天开始 我们一直生活在一起

「你出门了」

伴随着从来没变的话 小新从家里飞奔出去

看到他抓着黑色外套 嘴里咬着土司的样子

大概今天也快迟到了吧

特别是今年 小新变成妈妈说的

「XXXXXXX」

所以好象变的更忙了

的确这个时期的小新不太会注意到我

虽然是没办法的事情

但是不知道为什么还是有一点...

恩 寂寞的样子吧

心里以便想跟他说「能不能看看我呢？」

一边又想叫他加油

这两种心情参杂在一起 总觉得想要做些什么

就算一点点也好

虽然想试着发出小小的叫声 但是却做不到

不知道为什么 非常的困

最近常常有这种奇妙的感觉

力气像是慢慢的消失了

我一点都不想吃饭

对散步也提不起兴趣

但是 还是喜欢被抚摩

也喜欢被拥抱

「XXXXXXX」 结束之后

小新会不会再次尽情的摸我呢

会不会再次抱住我呢

如果会的话 就太好了

我追着小新跑

小新穿着常穿的红色衣服跟黄色裤子

小小的手跟我一样大

小白 握手
小白 转圈
小白 棉花糖
「呐 小新 我最喜欢小新了」

「我也是 最喜欢小白了 小白是我的好朋友喔」

充满棉花糖的世界里 总是软绵绵暖呼呼的

不论任何时候都可以互相追来追去

不论任何时候。。。。

又到了早晨

小新的妈妈用车子载着我

车子停在一间全白的房子前面

穿着白色衣服的人站在我面前

两个人好象在说什么话

白色衣服的人缓缓地摸着我的身体

小新的妈妈 在哭

虽然不知道为什么在哭 还是得安慰他

但是 身体却无法动弹、

不知道为何眼睛想要张开 但是却变的更加疲倦

逐渐闭上的双眼 看着冰冷的台子

映在台上的东西像一团脏脏的毛

为什么 会变成这么虚弱呢

啊啊 原来如此 原来是因为我变成这个样子

所以小新才会不看我这边啊

因为看起来一点都不好吃
因为看起来一点都不甜

我已经 没办法当棉花糖了

棉花糖一旦掉到地面 就不能吃了

不关怎么拍打 果然还是没办法变的好吃 对吧

但是 你拣起来了

你把他掉下去之后

无论是谁都会说不要的棉花糖 拣起来了

所以 这就够了

跟别人相比 最了解自己身体状况的 是我自己

但是我觉得没关系

就这样也没关系

所以我一直待在那里也没关系


不停的四处张望了一会之后

小新发现了我 表情非常的不安

「小白」

他叫了我的名字

真的 好久没听到了

「汪」

总算发出声音了

不知道这么小的声音 能不能穿过玻璃

但是 的确传到了小新那边了

小心走了过来

他打开了窗户 把手伸向了我

「不用担心 我一定会想办法的」

终于被抱住了

小心的胸口有着一直跳动的声音

比梦里还要温暖好几十倍

我的脸碰到了小心的身体

他的身体不停的颤抖 好象很冷的样子

抱着我一动也不动的小新

被小新抱和移动也不动的我

小新在哭 我却不能为他做些什么

内心想着 至少让我看一下你有朝气的样子嘛

我舔了舔小新的脸颊

小新的脸颊 有一点新春的味道

一边舔着你滴下来的泪水 我注意到了一个地方

我知道 我知道现在小新坐着的这个地方

这里 是我跟你第一次见面的地方

是展开我俩关系的地方

我一直在等

就酸想要放弃 但是总有一天

总有一天 就算 是掉下来的棉花糖

也会有说 「好象很好吃」

然后把棉花糖拣起来拍一拍

说着「这个棉花糖还可以吃嘛」的人

来到这里

「小白」

听到他叫我的名字 我把脸往上抬

虽然脸上都是泪水 小新还是笑了

「小白 好痒喔

像这样一只舔我的眼泪的话 会变成咸的棉花糖喔

咸咸的小白 看起来一点都不好吃

所以小白 我会等你的

这次换我等你」

「所以 你要再一次变成好吃的棉花糖
然后回来喔」

我一边被小新抱着 最了最美好的梦

在一次 变成棉花糖的梦

睁开眼睛的时候 向往可以变成被你说是

「跟其他的比起来 你看起来比较好吃」的棉花糖

软绵绵的棉花糖 樱花色的 暖呼呼的棉花糖

怀着最喜欢你的心情 只属于你的棉花糖



我是小白 小新的朋友

一只13年前被他拣到的狗

全白的我 被他说像是软绵绵的棉花糖

因为看起来很好吃的样子 所以就被他抱回家了

下一次我要变成樱红色的 软绵绵的棉花糖

然后去见你









If We Hold On Together (Ost. Land Before Time)

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I






Ecc 8:14-17 Faith alone can establish the heart in this mixed scene, where the righteous often suffer, and the wicked prosper. Solomon commended joy, and holy security of mind, arising from confidence in God, because a man has no better thing under the sun, though a good man has much better things above the sun, than soberly and thankfully to use the things of this life according to his rank. He would not have us try to give a reason for what God does. But, leaving the Lord to clear up all difficulties in his own time, we may cheerfully enjoy the comforts, and bear up under the trials of life; while peace of conscience and joy in the Holy Ghost will abide in us through all outward changes, and when flesh and heart shall fail.






Ecc 8:9. his own hurt-The tyrannical ruler "hurts" not merely his subjects, but himself; so Rehoboam (1Ki 12:1-33); but the "time" of "hurt" chiefly refers to eternal ruin, incurred by "wickedness," at "the day of death" (Ec 8:8), and the "time" of "judgment" (Ec 8:6; Pr 8:36).


Ecc 8:9-13 Solomon observed, that many a time one man rules over another to his hurt, and that prosperity hardens them in their wickedness. Sinners herein deceive themselves. Vengeance comes slowly, but it comes surely. A good man's days have some substance; he lives to a good purpose: a wicked man's days are all as a shadow, empty and worthless. Let us pray that we may view eternal things as near, real, and all-important.






( for ry)

It's gonna be alright.
Nothing's gonna put us down anymore.
Whatever promises cannot deliver,
Whenever expectations fails.
We can be sure
It wont hurt as bad now.

We gave tears,
In exchange of strength.
We gave hurts
In exchange of healing.
This life offers disappointments
But our appointment with the One
Wont be missed

The past let us know we have grown stronger.






With expectations comes disappointments. But I not gonna rant now. Because even one area lack and cant be more empty in my life, I can be sure another area is filled with God's blessings.

What's the use of you being with me when you are not helping at all.

ps: It's gonna be alright :D:D:D
pss: No more expectations for you now. You are free to go .

Do Not Worry Matthew 6

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.
29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own






thank god it's friday. finally a night i dont need to rush from tuition to home , dont need to study for tests. A night to enjoy doing my own things and writing fiction*. School is fun and all but very very draining and I super hate to wake up early . But other than that, it's getting much better.






"Home"(michael buble)
Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all aloneI
just wanna go home

Oh, I miss you, you know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm,

I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home

Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home







ahhh I just thought it is so unfair for me to worry about this kind of things when others could just worry about studies alone. God I cant help but to rant that this is so unfair to me:(


And perhaps because He saw my heart hardening by the world and he gave me a heartbreaking moment once in a while to make me feel again.







If you are willing, guide me please.
If I am unwilling, force me please.

If you can, dont let me go.
If I cant, pull me back.


rahh rahh rahhh I know I know I know. What is the cause of the discontentment in my heart? Maybe I keep looking at them because they make me realise how much time i wasted and how little time I've left. And how much I could have accomplished. So many things I want to do but yet did none. And what's worse is that I know my priorities are warped and my decisions may not be the best.

I am a bum and it makes a lump .







whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee.................................






Whenever 'God Closes One Door

He Always Opens Another,

Even Though

Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway'



I would rather have one rose and a kind word

from a friend while I'm here

than a whole truckload when I'm gone.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,

Sorrows keep You Human,

Life keeps You Humble,

Success keeps You Glowing,

But In the end ,

Only God keeps You Going






"Joy is the surest sign of God's presence in the soul." If we think of a person's face as the window of his soul, then a joyful look, a kind smile, unmistakably reflects God's presence within. For without God in the soul, we can't have love, joy, or peace within. This is why St. Paul can write: "For the kingdom of God does not mean food and drink but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit" (Rom. 14:17).

First: "A joyful servant of God is a net to catch souls for God." With so much drudgery and unhappiness in the world today, authentically joyful people stand out. Others stop and take notice of them - especially if it's a quality they lack and wish they could find for themselves. When they discover the joy they're looking for beaming at them from the face of another person, they're already caught like a fish in a net. A second saying of Mother Teresa's can be paraphrased this way: "A joyful servant of God preaches without preaching." If a picture is worth a thousand words, who can measure the effect of a joyful believer on others, believers and non-believers alike?


The best thing any salesperson can do to sell his or her product is to tell customers, "I use the product myself, and I like it!" The joyful attitude of an evangelist tells all that and more before he even utters a word.

You will attract more bees with an ounce of honey than with a barrel of vinegar."



What is joy? Joy is something that we choose to express. It's not pie in the sky; it doesn't come and go like the wind. And where does this kind of joy come from? Well, as you know, it's a matter of attitude that comes from God's holy spirit dwelling in us and our confidence in God, the belief that he is at work, that he is in full control, that he is in the midst of whatever has happened, is happening, or will happen.

1)our capacity for joy is often directly relational to the depth of sorrow we might experience
John 16:20-22

philippians 3:8,12,20,21( prison in rome)

Part of the problem is that joy is often misunderstood. We tend to equate happiness with joy, but they are two totally different ideas because they each spring from a different source. One comes from the world around us; the other originates directly from the spirit of the living God.

Romans 8:28

james 1:2-4

John 15:10-11

phillipians 4:4

Philippians 4:12-13. "I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."






I looked up to the clear blue sky
Asking , why am I here?
From the depths of my dreams
I wait to play my destiny out.
Though I can never understand why.

It hurts still
When I remembered it's impossible.
And that fear turned into reality
A monocle in the army of glass
I did plan, but failed

How many lies that make you cry?
How many miles to make you smile?

Baby goodbye does not mean forever
In your eyes I'd like to stay
Maybe our love can catch like fire
But you know love is dead
When there is a reason for it

Life is but a big moment
And there is none
When keeping it real goes wrong
Because there's always gonna be another mountain
Everything has an end, including myself

And the only question remains
Will you heal....in time?






( From Xingyi to mm and elwin. And from chungming to micky:D)

Though it hurts now,
and it's hard to breathe.
But close your eyes ,
Say a quiet prayer.

It's not a lonely fight
it's gonna be alright.
You will be fine
Just wait for a little while.

In this world, In your life
Many people come and pass
Though sometimes you do not know
Though the weight is too heavy
It's alright precious.
Because I will be standing
On the other side of your world
Picking up the shattered crystals


There are too many promises
in life that is meant to be broken.
Nothing but an empty glass
Still you must learn to trust again

You say tonight the stars have lost their light
The sky is all but a black empty hole
And You've long given up on hoping
On things that are not meant to be

Baby cant you see?
Look closely and you will soon realize
The stars has never stop shining
Till you allow the mist to cover your eyes






Hey it's been 12 am going to one,
And I am still thinking about you.( Cant control it)
Baby how should I tell you
About the whirlpool inside of me.

All these random thoughts about you
Are slowing opening this hollow side of me.

Chorus

No matter where I go and see,
You are always there
and You pulled me back
From the escapist world I went to.
( But you didnt even say goodbye)

Holding onto the broken pieces of memories
Am I the only one here?



But that's the way no one wants
And forever it's not gonna change( You know it )
If I dont let you go now,
This ache will never fade away

And at the end of the day, You didnt even realise
I am the one who is alway there.






As I kneel at the altar in prayer, God loves me.
If I'm sitting in a jail cell, God loves me.
As I'm caring for the sick, God loves me.
If I'm out robbing and stealing, God loves me.
When I'm happy, God loves me.
When I'm sad, God loves me.
When I'm angry and loud, God loves me.
When I'm calm and serene, God loves me.
When I'm abused, God loves me.
As I'm abusive to others, God loves me.
If I'm in bed with a disease, God loves me.
When I'm healthy and fit, God loves me.
If I'm poor, God loves me.
If I'm out of work, God loves me.
When I'm earning large sums of money, God loves me.
When I'm winning in life, God loves me.
When I think I'm losing, God loves me.
When I'm frustrated and resentful, God loves me.
As I remain in a state of prayer, God loves me.
When I'm depressed and feeling low, God loves me.
When I'm in a good mood, God loves me.

No matter where I am -- or who I am -- or how I am -- or what I am ---- God loves me with a love that is unmeasureable and unlimited.
I AM LOVED, JUST AS I AM!






A faded white painting
and my slightly vanished scent are hidden inside a eye-blinding cloud

My wordless heart slowly moves
And the time that passes inbetween is in my hands

I’m holding back the tears
I hang my heart so it’ll be weightless
In a place not too close but not too far
Another me is standing, I don’t cry

I bring my two hands together once again
In a place I live the present life instead of the memories

It’s foolish but we were always together
The pain that I wanted to empty flowed throughout my whole body and dries up my tears

I’m living with my tears
I’m holding back the tears
I hang my heart so it’ll be weightless
In a place not too close but not too far
Another me is standing, I don’t cry

I’m holding back the tears
I hang my faith on me and run
In a place that is not high nor low
Another me is standing,
With a small smile, I can smile

I can't let go
I see you no matter where I look
(My crumbling heart)
I can't hide

Baby for one minute, one second
I can't let go
I hear your voice
no matter where I go
(My broken heart)
I can't breathe

Baby for one minute, one second
Even for one moment, one minute, one second

You said you were having a bad hair day
You said your eyes were puffy,
and fell back asleep
Sulking, I silently took off my jacket,
Picked up the phone and ordered take out

Closed the curtain,
and without knowing how many hours passed
Watching DVD's
(Just you and me)
The sound of your breath as you leaned against my shoulder
I thought that it was a good thing we didn't go out

Ridiculously these thoughts still torment me
I unexpectedly remember the jokes that you made and I fall apart
Moments that are really no big deal upset me
I suddenly remember the faces that you used to make and I break apart

I can't let go
I see you no matter where I look
(My crumbling heart)
I can't hide
Baby for one minute, one second
(Even if time stops, my heart stops)

I can't let go
I hear your voice no matter where I go
(My broken heart)
I can't breathe
Baby for one minute, one second
Even for one moment, one minute, one second

No matter where you went, at the bar right at the corner
When you sat in your little corner
You laid your hands on top of each other on your left leg
When you were tired and yawned, you kept the tears you wiped away
And you would smile like an idiot, showing the dimples in your two cheeks
Whenever you drank water
The pinky that you raised
The glossy black hair that could blind
I thought your clumsy chopstick skills were charming
Your full lips, I hoped it would be forever

This is love
This autobiographical memory twists my heart
Flips me upside down, with never ending tears
See love could shake a hurricane
The raindrops that blow against my feelings, one drop
The little memories

Like how this glass of alcohol becomes empty, our small memories became transparent
Even though I try to bring it back
The memories of us
I can never make it again
Like yesterday night's dream it's so clear, but it's gone
(damn)

I can't let go
I see you no matter where I look
(My crumbling heart)
I can't hide

Baby for one minute, one second
(Even if time stops, my heart stops)

I can't let go
I hear your voice no matter where I go
(My broken heart)
I can't breathe
Baby for one minute, one second
Even for one moment, one minute, one second
Even for one moment, (for one minute, one second)
Even for one moment, (for one minute, one second)
Even for one moment, (for one minute, one second)

I can't let go
I can't let go
(The whisper that takes my breath away)
For one moment(Our sweet secrets)
For us who is as sad as our love was beautiful
(Can my tears still remember you?)
I can't let go(Our quirks and habits)
For one moment(The beautiful moments)
Still for one moment
For one minute, one second
We can't go back
(For one minute, one second)






Shaking in the season of farewells,
is a fleeting flower.

Everybody is walking
while looking for the same warm wind.

Encounters flow with the sky,
Under the misty clouds,
Just like the overlapping hands of the clock.

It's slowly,
,going around.

If you're the hour hand, then I'm the minute hand.
While we show the same time,we pass each other countless times
but we'll meet again.

Even if our paces is different,
If the future we see is the same, it's all right.
We can start over from the same place again.

"Even though I did my best, it was still no good..."
"Even though you lost, it was good to stay firm, right?"
Words give water to the various seeds i received in my heart

After the long winter, a dream blooms in the short spring.
Among the seeds that collect in the heart,what kind of light will let it grow?

In the shadow of the sidewalk blooms a flower,
For who is it there for?
But whoever it's for, it will shine and it will shine on you.
Feelings will turn into words, words calls out the light,
the light creates shadows, shadows make people stronger.

Strength turns into kindness,
Kindness attracts encounters.
encounter create a path,
and feelings are carved along this path again.

If the hour hand stops,
then the minute hand will stop too.
Sharing the same pain, will suddenly turn into joy.

Everyone has one person, one moment, one second, one chance
where they can't turn back time.

Living without hesitations, searching for that encounter,

that one person can say at one moment, one second, one chance
"I'm glad we met."






If I realize I've been crying out in my dreams, my sweat-drenched shirt clings to me

You follow your own path and I alone start wandering aimlessly again

Breaking through the crowd of people, even if I get to that bridge
I won't find anything

Hey, you in front of me, somehow tell me
Wait up! Wait up! Please tell me how...

*Forget it! Forget it! Forget everything!"
You don't need your old self
Ah, the white spell

Run, run, run, my soul
Carry dreams wherever your go
Ah, the beginning
Is from now

Look, look, if you have enough time to wallow in the sea of regret, start swimming
The person you are, who sheds their tears meekly is always stronger than I who endures them

Throw away your hat and this disgrace
Until there's nothing

That's why we'll dive into a new world that has yet to be seen
Wake up! Wake up! Don't be afraid!

"Forget it! Forget it! Forget Everything!"
Forget all those things that comforted you
Ah, the white spell

Strike it! Strike it! Strike your frail soul,
Strongly voicing it so many times
Ah, the beginning
Is from now

*

Run, run, run, my soul
Carry dreams wherever your go
Ah, things are all right now

Realize, realize, soon realize
Everything is coming closer
Ah, the beginning
Is from now






If it is such a simple thing, I wonder why can't I say it?
If it's something I can't say, I wonder how I will express it?

Even if I forget the sky we saw together,
I won't forget that we were together

If you are a flower,
You're probably not very different from all the other ones
From them, I chose one
There is a song only I can sing
There is a song only you can hear

My being here is proof that you were here
The song that I leave here is proof that I was left with you

Since I borrowed the power to live,
While I'm alive I have to give it back

When you forget the tears and the smiles,
Please just remember
Lost in the same pain
There is a song that only you can sing
There is a song that only I can hear

Everyone has a person they want to see
Everyone has a person they are waiting for
If there are people that (people) want to see
Then there are people waiting for them

Always
If you are a flower,
You're probably not very different from all the other ones
From them, I chose one
For me, For you

Someday
When you forget the tears and the smiles,
Please just remember
Without losing my way
I chose
There is a song that only you can sing
There is a song that only I can hear
There is someone waiting only for me
There is someone who wants to see only you






I really should not have any expectations in the first place. Should have known it in the first place. Should not have ask an extra useless question. Why will anyone care? Nobody ever did care. I am just an outsider. Why did tears flow? I should have known it already. Why will you help?






OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH!!!!......................................






me and minghui are mega cassies now. but minghui mega-er. Studying are made alot easier and less boring by talk to her and qianhui online. heh. I dont think I will pass block test due to many things to worry about this period. However, it 's okay!! i found back the motivation to study now!.






RAHHHHHHHH i am STRESSED. But nevertheless, HWAITING HWAITING HWAITING ! minghui they ROCK!






I feel happy again. I lost something tt is temporary but gained something that will last me this lifetime. Thank you jh. You never know how much you blessed me. You are truly one really good and true friend.






I hate to feel helpless. I hate it. I cant tell you how much I hate it. But I really dont like it.

it seems that the rain keeps on pouring.






i want to sleep the whole week off. School is such a drag. Seriously.






Humble Yourself For The Lord
1 Peter 5:5
Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 8'Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
2 Chronicles 7:14 i
f my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.
2 Chronicles 33:12
In his distress he sought the favor of the LORD his God and humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers. 13 And when he prayed to him, the LORD was moved by his entreaty and listened to his plea;
2 Chronicles 34:
27 Because your heart was responsive and you humbled yourself before God when you heard what he spoke against this place and its people, and because you humbled yourself before me and tore your robes and wept in my presence, I have heard you, declares the LORD.
Ephesians 4:2
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all
James 4:
10 So, with a dependence on God shown by a truly spiritual prayer life, "Humble [yourself] before the Lord, and he will lift you up."
Micah 6:
8 He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.






You're right, that is a lot of reading! But I believe you answer your own question with the statement you made toward the end: "I'm just so confused". Doesn't the Scripture tell us that God is not the author of confusion? The absence of His Peace is a sure sign that something is not right. I have learned that that is when I need to tread cautiously. Honestly, I have no doubt that you are called of God, quite possibly to be a missionary. But I will tell you something I - and probably many, many others - have had to learn the hard way:When I first began really hearing from Him, He would occasionally ask me to do something for Him, like go pray for someone. I was so eager to finally be doing what I just knew He had called me to do, that I would immediately run off and go "try" to do whatever He asked. I could tell you some funny stories about some of the stupid situations I would get myself into by doing that; but basically those situations were what He used to get my attention enough to where I would ask Him, "Lord, you send me off to do this, then when I get there, You're not there! What's up with that?"He said, "Son, I have lots of children that make that same mistake. From now on, this is what I want you to do: When I ask you to do something, I want you to sit down beside me and allow me to prepare you, so that when I say 'Go', you and My Spirit will go together and that thing will get accomplished. Do you understand now?"All I could say was, "Yes, Sir". But it is a lesson I have never forgotten. In fact, later in my life He revealed that my real ministry would not be until the last few years of my life here on earth! He has used me as a "pinch hitter" at various times - to get one person saved and delivered He gave me a gift of Knowledge once; to get another healed, He gave me a gift of Healing once, etc. So, while I have known all my life that I was called to do something, He has been preparing me my entire life for just a very short ministry!So, my advice would be to finish your schooling and keep seeking Him diligently. Living completely by faith sounds great, but it is not as easy as it sounds, believe me. We are all far too full of the world and our own selves, and need a lot of cleaning out before He can trust us and we have enough spiritual strength and wisdom to walk before Him with integrity.As He has said to me many, many times: "You cannot teach what you do not know; you cannot give what you do not have."These have become words that I live by.Trust Him. For truly, apart from Him none of us can do anything for Him, because it is His ministry. When He is with you, there is no confusion, for in His Presence there is only Peace.

something i read online. Very insightful






thanks pohchoon for the mango and wallet:D

YAY! aiming to repay my debts by end of march. It's looks very possible now:D






3 reasons why xingyi should be happy in her life

1) For a start , she knows GOD.
2) She has many true and sincere friends in life
3) She is still young and has not done many things she regret.She has many dreams to be pursued and can be pursued .

Isn't it great and enough?
















Honour your parents.


God's command






God is great despite circumstances. Lord I know it's a platform to grow me . And I will not be afraid because I know I am so priviledged to go through all these with you. When I fall , you will be there to catch me. Lord i trust in your perfect plan.






Sizzling hot!( not anymore in 2 weeks time)






hey I got something good happened to me today. Thank God!


though you may not be the last one with me.
Thank you for everything still
Friends forever I shall say






God I need something more to keep me going..






















I guess many things you have to start from yourself. No use lamenting how big the problems are,if you dont face it yourself, nobody will. If you want a united group, make sure you are not exclusive in ya every relation in the group. Once you are able to do that, you will be able to change the group.






it is 430 am now and i still havent sleep. Not due dramas or anime. But a cockroach in my room!!! I reached home around 12 today. To my horror, rach said that a roach actually crawled into my room without my permission. And being a roach-lover, I dared not step into the room for 4 hours because shirls helped spray bygone and I heard that it takes 4 hours for the spray to be effective. So i waited in the living room for 4 hrs. Finally 4am came and I went in to the room carefully. Bed checked. Safe. Bunny checked. Safe. Lappie checked . Safe. The rest I dont dare to check infear it will suddenly pop out and run about my bare feet. I was going to lie happily on my bed when the Holy Spirit prompt me to look at one corner of the room( see, god works in every situation in ya life) Since I wont need to get down the bed to look at the particular corner , I happily obeyed. And bravo, it was lying there. To my horror again, i saw its feelers wriggled. IT "S NOT DEAD. I immediately rushed to the kitchen and toook an umbrella, intending to poke it. Being such a brave soul, I dont dare . Mainly because I was scared that it will start to run about and I will go crazy to see a roach running about in my room. Being a creative person, I sprayed hairspray on it till it was swimming in it. Finally , I poked with all my might, tearing it into half so as to make sure its relatives will not come into my room too to claim its body.

I am blogging about it now coz my heat is still bumping so fast I'm afraid I wont be able to sleep for the next half an hour.






paul- 'The love of Christ leaves (me) no choice."






i just want to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp.






proud of myself !!! i gave five hours tuition to my very uncooperative tuition kid today! YAY






I prayed. Words flow out. Tears flow out. It's a miracle.

God I am scared. Scared that this passion is just like the passing wind. When things got better and situations change , will I not depend on you anymore? Will I feel that all that I doing is worthless and tiring? How to keep this gratefulness deep and tight in my heart? How to be selfless? How to be spotless? How to be pure? How to be patient? I've yet aquire the fullness of all that. I really don't like some of the things happening. Maybe it's me . Maybe it's them. Definitely is more of me. I should be really really happy today. But when night time comes, I feel uncertain. A feeling that I never experienced this half year already. Although I brush it aside, I know, I start to look at myself more again.

A pure heart , That's what I long for. A heart that follows hard after thee.






guess what? today is a half half day. One came . And before it even pass 12 hours, I realise I lose another. Both are precious. I will try my best. I will bring you back. I will make you stay.

To the third one, I will be bring you there.






SUPER RANDOM ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

okie I have not exercised out of my free will for many years alr( which means other than PE, i don't exercise)

So to show my determination for a healthy lifestyle( does not mean not eating kfc and suppers) , Chung Xingyi has made a promise to everyone she will exercise at least or at most 3 times a week. YAYNESS.






Let's serve God with a joyful heart. As we talk about him, be really joyful and excited. Not in a way that is not serious. Solemn is good. Solemn is serious. But dont be too focused on the solemnness that it felt as though we are focusing on that depressing Friday instead of that joyful Sunday.
Let's serve as a whole. Not with a comparative( got this word?) spirit. Not one of you bring how many friends I bring how many friends.Who convert Who didnt convert. Who has more sheeps who has less sheeps. We are a whole, one body and we move off as one. We don't compare what we have or what we've done, because we know as compared to what God has and what God done, we are nothing. Why do sand compare with another sand when an ocean is in front of it?
Every little effort matters. Every soul make a difference . Everyone is important.
Let's make an effort to be a backstage crew. Not to be prideful in what we have done but humble ourselves in the love of God. Do everything you can for the kingdom of God. But bear in mind, all these things are not for the praises of Man. Do not recieve rewards of your deeds full in this world.






lalalalalalalalal~qianhui say all my posts all emo . But to clarify, I only blog when I got random serious thoughts or I am feeling unhappy. So it appears that there are alot of emo posts because I am lazy to blog about everything that happened in my life so I only blog randomly.The truth is that most of my blog posts are random thoughts and therefore it is only one or 2 sentences. Real sad posts are rare. So I am not EMO.

I am just a lazy blogger:X
Alright this post appears to be the longest post since july 22.






i guess I need to find things to do soon.
Too much time= wasted= got time to think about negative things
Gotta do things to widen my horizons and perspective.
hmmm any suggestions?






alright i have to admit it. I cant do maths at all. Alright SAY SMILEY FACE ( U )TO MATHS. BYE BYE GOOD GRADES. God bless my chem and physics and econs and GP!!!!






I really hate it when it turn out this way. I am sorry.


I know you are good. But I cant and I will never.
Sorry.






I thank you lord for the many many lessons learned today.
mini breakthroughs.
Which I believe meant alot right now.






Promos is coming. That day is coming. Whatever I must face is coming. BUT HOLIDAYS IS COMING!!!


that's what truly matters.






:/:/:/:/:/:/ ikyj i tish kinl og monent thay relui mamk mi mise hre aigin.






I feel sad for that boy. He could have escaped. But due to absurd negligence of the 2 policemen , he had to be handed back to his killer and die such a horrible manner. Will things be changed if he stand firm or the 2 women be more determined to save him or even the 2 policemen be more vigilant.






I didnt mean to ignore you.

I didnt mean to forget to say thanks.

well...






It is righteous.
It is good.
It is excellent.
All the words that come out is right.

But it feels wrong still
Maybe I am not flowing correctly.






I am dead tired. Shall pick up my momentum






As I finally close my eyes and rest.
I realise, I miss
The smell, the silence,
The sound she made deep in the night
So assuring, my security blanket.
Miss calling her name,
Realised how foreign it sounds when I utter it now

most importantly, I do miss her.

If you are reading this, please let her know I miss her and ask her to take care of her body. The weather hasnt been very good lately..






Doing something for my sheeps. maybe they will get food poisoning/stomachache wdv. They still gonna EAT IT!!! not gonna procrastinate le. Do watever I want to do:D Do watever I can do:D

YAYAYAYAYAYAY:D:D:D






God there is not too much a child could take..
whatever testing you have given ,
I really hope you will bless her from now.
Not sure of what I can do to heal a hurting soul.
But I guess that's a reason
Why I am there.
Remind me every now and then
I am there for her.






gotta strive for best. 60 rank points I can do it

more of You and less of me

serve with a big heart






I want to be determined for once.














I lost my discipline today and did not do 2 important things. RAWR. Because of that, i will be extremely busy next 2 days. SADDED. More discipline in my life.














HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIAH QIANHUI!!!

I am not a very touching person but here is a song that perfectly describes our friendship!!!

第一次见面看你不太顺眼 ( you remember our conflict during our singing session in toilet?) -
first time i met you- you are really not lovable noe hehehe)
谁知道后来关系那么密切( same class in pri 5 and pri 6. Thought I am unlucky but in e end got
so close)
我们一个像夏天一个像秋天( The difference in our character. Needless to say. Very
DIFFERENT)
却总能把冬天变成了春天 ( The fun we had together through this 8 years of friendship.
lormeechickenricenenelorlorchristmastreebanananwatever)
你拖我离开一场爱的风雪 ( okie non applicable)

我背你逃出一次梦的断裂 ( alright you have not come out of it but I will be there for you to
remind you to give up. For your own good :D)
遇见一个人后生命全改变 ( yeap you are my bestest friend. Wont be lonely with you around)

原来不是恋爱才有的情节( The times we shared is certainly better than any romantic things)

如果不是你我不会相信
朋友比情人还死心塌地 ( You are always there for me. Even though you like shopping)

就算我忙恋爱

把你冷冻结冰你也不会恨我 ( ehhhh, I think this is not true. I think most prob you will hate me
and complain about it on ya blog:D)
只是骂我几句

如果不是你我不会确定

朋友比情人更懂得倾听我的弦外之音 ( you are my soul mate. Zhi ji. I will never be bored with
you around. You always( most of the times) there to
listen to me)
我的有口无心 ( even though I always say means things to you but you
know....Awwwwww)
我离不开Darling更离不开你 ( this part..hmmm see first la. But I dont think our
friendship will ever end..right right right?
你了解我所有得意的东西 ( this part is so true man. We love to suan each other .But
I know you still love me hehehe)
才常泼我冷水怕我忘形

你知道我所有丢脸的事情 ( we both are embarressing people so this part dont need to
explain further but we also got no good image to uphold
either:D)
却为我的美好形象保密


Hey qian hweeeeeeeeeeeeeee, 8 years into our friendship . It has been such a long time old friend. How weird for us to come together as best friends but oh well. I guess it will lasts afterall.
So if you read this sms me about ya touched-ness alrights?
more to come pig:D We have many more years stuck with one another.






Was feeling quite worned out and down when I suddenly heard this song- Superstar- jamelia.

Uber no link but it lifted my mood.






Close to you
Why do birds suddenly appear
Everytime you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you...

Why do stars fall off from the sky
Everytime you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be,
Close to you...

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
They decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair
And put a starlight in your eyes so blue
That is why all the girls in town
Follow you, all around
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you...

Just like me,
they long to be
Close to you....

Just like me,
they long to be
Close to you....

Aah...Close to you....






i am so gonna fail the physics test...haish.. nvm . Physics study also fail . Never study also fail. The outcome should be the same this time round.






..oh my beautiful brows ..






Love My Fun-Loving Clique...
which consists ofXingYi Roslyn YiXue Sujun YingHui HuiHuang Vanessa...
I only manage to stay in contact with XingYi(Like DUH!), Roslyn(who's UBER BUSY) and Yixue Sujun YingHui (Once in a blue moon).... I still see Vanessa in school(NP) but just feel very weird to call someone who you hasn't talk to for quite some time... ):
Really wish to see everyone gather together again...Which is erm.. Not very Possible..Primary School is.... ..
The Smelly Ngoh Hiam
The dirty Pond
The dead goldfish
The greenery
The haunted Toilet
The Hamster
The tortoise
The 50Cents IceCream
The JackFruit trees
The Monkeys that ran into our school
The crocodiles in the Canel
The Abandoned Cedar-Girls-Track and field
The Tadpoles in the Drains
The spider we caught
The Lor Mee we ate
The Chicken Rice with the extra flowing of Chilli Sauce
The hokkien mee - Roslyn and My All-Time-Fav
My House -the Hang out place for allT
he Swings at Butterfly Park
Lian Lao Shi, Mrs Ban, Yang Lao Shi... wei lao shi
That les friend of the VP
THE IRRITATING ELEPHANT LEG TEACHER!
That Music Room... and My recorder...The Container Class Rooms...
The Block B Drink Stall uncle and Aunty
The Spicy&Yummy Malay Food!
The Big Basins outside P6-3 ClassRoom
The time when ChinesePOP were the BEST!BEST!BEST
The Tissue supplier - DafanShu-Yixue
The steep slope that linked Block A and B
The Monster Dentist! Yes! Cedar had a DENTAL CLINIC! X)
The Games we played- HopScotch SkippingRobe 5Stones
The MrYEO BookShop which sold almost everything

all of the above is typed by siah qianhui. I goped coz I lazy to type. Yeah primary school is the best school times of all my school years. All the bestest friends I made are all from there. Though some i may not contact already. But at that time the closeness is there. Even though now we all drift apart, but once a while hearing from one another and knowing we all miss each other is enough. I think if we meet up now, we still will have tons of things to talk about. I specially miss the P 5 and P6 times. So many fun things to do. Hanging out after school everyday. To eat in different places. Going qianhui hse which is super near to school. Going sujun hse which is super eerie. Going roslyn house which is super big and I even saw one whole container of ice cream. Watching English movies which we didnt understand a single word of it. Drinking bubble tea everyday. Going to butterfly park to swing and listen to ghost stories. Going to lor mee place to eat everyday. We are the clique which start the craze of pepsi cola in P5. Going gaga over xiao mao and xiao gou with vanessa. Imitating qianhui asthma kind of laughter and pulling her up every assembly due to her numb legs. Singing huan zhu ge ge songs on the bus. Quarrelling with the P1 and P2 kids on the bus when we are P5 and quarrelling with P 5 and P6 kids when we are P1 and P2. Giving Yixue the worst birthday present of her life in P6. Self imaginary family for yi xu xu . And all the stupid things we done during assembly.( Turning our heads behind when there is performance on-going pretending there is something interesting at the end of the hall. there was one time whereby we successfully caused to the whole school to turn their heads behind. Talking about singaporeans' kponess hur) And the super small dont-even-noe-why-the-school-bulit-it pond in our school successfully caused two person and one dog to plunge inside in 2 years. And I happen to be sitting beside the 2 person at both times when they fell into the pond( is it because of me that they fell in? hmmmm)






A few people says I am stubborn. Well I am. Stubborn in getting what I want. Stubborn in not opening up myself. To a few people, I really really appreciated your help/ offers of help. And the reason of why I dont tell you when I am unhappy is that I feel that I dont need to broadcast to the whole world of what I am facing. I am not that strong to face it alone but I am not that weak to depend so much on you all. I dont want to be one person who keep complaining about the things in my life. If something bad happens, just let it be. Tomorrow will be a better day right?Truthfully, it is all down to the pride problem. I dont want to appear weak.Even if I tell you, you wont be able to understand, so why bother?

Somethings I really prefer to keep to myself. Sometimes I put on a happy face when things are not going right not because I tried to act strong. But due to the fact that being unhappy simply cant change anything. Being emo will just lead to emo-er. Yes I like to be taken care of, I like to depend on others but still, I feel bad. All of them didnt need to give if that someone is willing to provide. But sigh, I dont really care about that someone anymore. It is called hopeless. Ask me whether I am bitter. Yes I am. I will feel that surge of anger and disappointment whenever I think about it. So a part of me will try to hide it, suppress it. God tells me I should forgive and not to have bitterness in my heart but ...I guess it will only go away if I get to thrash it out with them one day, face to face.

I dont want to be the one always recieving, now my dream is to give.






Evaluating time- How has I changed over these past few months???






I do want to have more of this kind of moments.






I am posting after 10 mins before my previous post because i think the constuction stopped?? It better stop, if not i am so gonna.. Anyway, I watching ' it started with a kiss" yesterday and the day before. Don think I am hooked to dramas and stuff like that. It is just that I start to appreciate dramas nowadays HAHA. Somne entertainment will always be good than just going online right? I used to have no patience in watching dramas. But now, I can always fast forward to skip the emo scenes and to the funny until can flip parts . Maybe somedays I will come to accept sad dramas. hmmmm.
Anyone got real funny dramas to recommend?? those funny until can flip kind:D:D:D::D:D






Thought I can sleep until the sun is burning midday today. BUT, contruction woke me up at 9. Irritating !!!! Why cant they do it around noon? my precious beauty sleep...sobx.






Severe brain malfunctioning now. It just feels good once a while to think about the impractical. It is back to the past. And it feels like a dream. Well it is a dream. I hope it come true:D

Sometimes I didnt want to say too much. Because I am scared it will soured. Sometimes I cant help but to wonder why is it different. It is the same. But I cant help but to treat it differently. The sense of disgust. It came back to haunt. I will never have it the way I want it to happen perfectly.






Just watched finished hana kimi jap version. Only one comment -nakatsu is CUTE:D:D:D:D






today is the third day. I 've succeeded for 3 days( after today) . 21 days to make a habit. I can do it!!!






Same people. Same setting. Different mindset. Different feelings. Wont it be good if I can go back to 2 years back? It no longer skip a beat. And it not consumed. And I never had a chance to know it all. After waiting for so long, God gave me. Just when I got it. He took it away. Well. But it is good in a way too.
But..






When I saw you again. I suddenly didnt want to quit again. A sense of relunctance. I felt like continuing. But I know there cant be more than that. I have to stop.

There are many things that I dreamt of and want to achieve. I got it all. And I realise maybe this is not what I want at all.






i am so demoralised coming from the chem paper. Not only because the fact that I didnt know how to do alot of questions. Also, I really did studied for it. I guess it is just not enough. I lack discipline. I have a serious issue with it. So from now onwards I gonna do alot of changes in my life. 3 weeks to make a habit. I can do it!

1) Read the word of God everyday.
2) Study at least 1.5 hour everyday.
3) Exercise at least twice a week.
4) Midnight supper max 2 times a week.
5) bring at least one visitor every 3 weeks.

will continue to add on if i can think of any.






Suddenly I felt real blessed. random thoughts. Just that I realised there is nothing that if I put efforts, I wont be able to achieve.

And I gonna miss limin so much so much so much. She has been there since SaCg started with me. We's ve walked through so many things together before . I am going to miss her alot alot alot in SACG. But it is okie. I know we are going to stay in contact( like of course man!) so maybe I dont need to miss her that much HAHA






isnt it great that our relationship stops here?

okie I am tired but i will try to do as much as possible.

It is just one of the many times that i feel I am not gonna make it again.














it is 3 am in the morning now and

Xingyi is super uber duper tired now.
Xingyi is feels she's gonna be sick soon.
Xingyi thinks that the soup she is drinking now taste horrible.
Xingyi feels like watching tv and surfing the net.

Xingyi thinks she should stop being so spoilt.
Xingyi thinks she should go back to study now.
Xingyi thinks she should have more discipline.

BYE.






HAHA study study study be a salt and light!!!
God I pray that that thing will be done . I really entrust onto it yourself and I pray as I seek, it will be found. Amen






















OASIS
Joy restored
Misson in Africa
Renewed
Bond with care group

I think although I put "joy restored" as my last camp objective. I guess God knows that actually it is my most important thing now. How divine. When shirley say out what I want to listen from God.
This camp don't have alot of high and low moments for me. Just constant. Just flat. Yet speaking to me straight in the face.
Short and sweet post.

" He says , whatever happen to you , happens for a reason. And it is a privilege to have this testing . You prayed for a life-changing moment in camp. But actually, now it is a life changing process. Clean hands , pure heart, a humble desire. That's all you need. PURE HEART"






off to bed now, off to camp 5 hours later.

Now is late and quiet and nice.

May God bless and heal all those who are hurting now, who just lost someone, who are ill, who is in need. Let His healing rest sweep across everyone.

this world need more salt...






Been quite busy lately... If I play lesser, there will be no excuse for no time to study. Wah i must study study study. Must have mentality-not for me nor anything. For Him. 2 days before camp. Not say really excited. I mean this been the N times I went for a camp. Just that I really expect quite alot from this camp. Last time I more expectant for the fellowship and bonding part. But this camp, I am looking forward to a spiritual breakthrough. I feel this camp will really change my life.

Prayers:
For all those who are sick I pray you will get well soon and be well for camp and for rachel's leg to recover asap.

Requests:
For qh's thing to be successful( i really need and want it badly~)
Concentrate in studying






first step to getting life back on step: STUDY HARDD!!

today i studied for 4.5 hrs straight in mac. I felt so GOOOoooooddd! And it is productive studying:D Although I did not study for very long( considering the fact i wasted the first week away) , but i guess it is a good start. For me to get motivated again. Tomorrow I shall set a goal of 6 hours of studying , then 8 hours:D I WILL STUDY HARD( DETERMINED) .

Okie next step will be this. Must stop procrastinating in this area too. Alrightys shall start tomorrow.

tomorrow goal : to have 6 or more hours of studying. SET!.

this is driving me crazy. it seems the whole world approves except for you all. If one day I finally see through that you all really dont care, if I am able to accept the fact that i meant nothing. I guess my heart will be really dead and I will just totally give up in this ****** for it had meant nothing to me too. I hope I wont. But I think...soon. Maybe I will really give up. Maybe God wants me to do something greater. Therefore I have nothing to hold me back now. For I am on myself now.






Did I make a wrong choice? I mean life could be so much easier. Without having to impose on others. Howeverb, after thinking, above all things( except God), freedom is what I value most.






okie this is it. NO MORE PROCRASTINATING NO MORE DAYDREAMING. I must remember the pact i made with en to get my life back on track in 3 months time. Now is already 1 month and i have yet to do any major changes. I shall start doing now. ok . Amen.






Now is 5 am in the morning and guess what am I doing? YOUTUBING! wahahaha. I finished one whole hongkong love comedy drama series. It is supposed to be nice and romantic. But then I don't quite like some of the scenes. It is too hopelessly romantic. Obviously it wont happen in reality. And some of the things that the couples quarrelled are too minor and too absurd. Life is not all about that. Anyway Matthew KO is super cute:D:D:D:D:D:D

Okay today is my rest day. I will chiong the rest of the week. Control control discipline discipline 3 per day.

look into my eyes; Cant you see ? It's not about that . Now I just want to do my best. Let all things fall slowly. That's what I want to tell myself. Whatever will happen, will happen eventually. Going to the same place everyday. Checking everyday. Am I crazy?






Sunday
Went studying with tim and singhun. Not saying I really studied alot but then, it is still better than staying home and watch youtube whole day. At least when I go out study I will touch the books.
Monday
Random meetings with everyone. Went to school. Met yikming who didnt know there is no assembly also on the bridge. I was wondering why the school so empty when I reached. I went for one lecture before I decided to go home because there are only 2 lectures for the whole day and the next lecture is 3 hours later. Went home . Slept. Woke up at 1 plus. Met up with tr to shop around in Orchard. Found this really cheap bargain at 1 dollar. After that, when we going back to dorby ghaut, saw peu and grace after their membership class. I think both of them are lame till very lame. Meet sinhung for dinner at dorby Xchange. Had a very cheap dinner since both of us are going budget. Then limin came after dinner and we had a great time talking in cathy. We practically talked from 7 plus to 11 plus before me and limin had to rush for last train. Wahahaha we go home need to repent but still I think it is super funny and somewhat surpirsing.
Tuesday
I ponned school. But I really hate GP. Okok be a salt and light. This is the last time I pon school. Watched Youtube again. Before meeting limin to eat lunch. After that hsiao en also came kou fu where they practised guitar and I sleep HAHA. Then went to meet the rest. Yujun is the joke of the day , liu di is the forfeiter of the day, and kaiyang is the breath of fresh air today. I hope next time cg will be earlier so we all can eat lunch/ dinner together. That's when people bond right?






Tuesday:
Didnt go to school due to some reason. Went library HAHA. Then meet hsaio en aka flabby arms . Went her house. Have teaching . Eat dinner. " studied". Went home around 10 plus
Wednesday:
Guitar after school. Mr Wan asked to me to try conduct, Totally freaked out. I know nuts about music. But I get to choose who is going to conduct next whee~ Met tianruo for dinner and went limin house to take stuff.
Thursday:
taka. Blogged.
Firday:
TGIF. Released early. Super tired. After slacking in the cafe for a while, I decided to go home and sleep. Walk out with ivy and ferza. Seriously they are the funniest girl I 've ever seen. Laughed like mad. Especially when Ivy pretend there was earthquake. She was practically self-vibrating. Slept from 1pm - 5pm. Whee ~then went out again to study with tim and singhun. Was rather sian halfway HAHA.
Sat:
Went for seed meet. But have to leave halfway for ushering. Today dresscode is yellow yellow dirty fellow. During service I realised what's up with me this few days ( blogged) After service went for dinner. Was really touched by everyone. So many people cares for me. Why am I still so uncontented? Then went istana with caregroup. Played card games. After that jiajia tim qinning and peu joined us. But peu tim and qinning have to leave after one game. Liudi and jinger left around 8 plus. Then went carl's junior to play 3 kings with limin Jiajia singhun donny and ruying.
Need to go home to packed stuff so I reached around 10. Cleared everything 12. Not exactly what I want but at least it looked nicer now.













Now my heart is beating very fast and very restless now. Not exactly feeling good these few days. I wondered why. Today i realised why. I've been dwelling too much on self-pity. Joy is what is within you. Joy does not change despite all circumstances. I lost my joy on the way. These few weeks. Unknowningly. I need to find it back. I want back my craziness. I want back my cheerfulness. I want back the joy that accompanied me through the few years. I need it so badly. I want it so badly. Joy please come back to my heart.






the problem of exclusiveness again~ why am i such a queen bee ? I wanted more. But it is so hard to achieve and sometimes the question is all about motive. And there are times to make choices. I wish I can go back to last year when I have and know exactly who I want to go with. But now, I have the accompany but I am not exactly enjoying it. This is what I want but is it really what I will enjoy? joining the other side or stay with you? If it is not me I will be probably be on the other side already, joking around instead of staying here, listening to things i am not interested to hear and jokes that I dont think that it is really that funny.

Things are getting weird this days. I cant talk or open up myself to others easily. I just feel like anti-socialing( is there such a word?) or maybe I am maturing so I dont talk much now?? it takes time i guess. I hope this june hols will the time to get to get refreshed and sort my thoughts . Give me back what I lost in my personality.






Lord I pray that tomorrow 's morning will not be a scary one and it will pass soon. I know it is no use to worry because each day has ebough of it;s own trouble. Therefore i really commit tomorrow unto your hands. In jesus name i pray Amen.

Today gotta guitar performance in taka . Supposed to set off from school at 5. But my school ends at 12 and I didnt wanna go hockey match. So i follow sze wee and yikming to watch bball match. Realised Ivy also going - HAPPY! Realised HCI side jinhuey and the rest of ex -cedarians playing, Cheered for them. Jinhuey say she heard me but she think waving back very dui lian. AND say my voice very sissy. Jin huey go and die la. Cheer for you also cannot. But i do miss you and the times we eat curry puffs.
Rushed to school after watching. I think sze wee must be dying to watch finished the match but due to time constraints he has to go before it ends. Sad but it's okie , next year there will still be chance to watch it. Speed up to guitar in taka. We have to perform the same song twice . How embarressing but at the end it was rather okie. And the place is super hot . Yikming and me keep using tissues to wipe our faces.Finished around 9 plus. Was too tired to talk on the
train already. I think I keep using yikming 's phone to call because I keep forgeting to bring the phone or no battery. Felt abit guilty.. But nevermind I shall say he is nice someday. Only when I am in the mood.






okie I take back my words from yesterday. Maybe i dont understand what you are doing and going through. But I guess now what I can do is to ease your burden for this time being then. Till the time comes. Maybe it will be better.






Today is my most down and out day. Next time I share testimony I can share about today. I think it will surely be impactful enough.
Thank God for hsiao en and tian ruo , who stretched out their helping hand. And limin who gave me good news when I reached home.
3 months. I will be on track.

Seems like you too, like the rest, dont care. Am I supposed to be scared? Am I supposed to regret my choice? I dont think so. People say, people learned to love when they are loved. You all , try to love by the measure of how much I love you. But only when unconditional love fills my heart till I learned how to love. But I dont love you. Because I too , are measuring how much you love me.






wah Gp sucks anyone disagree???






I know it is not the time to think about this
but
I do hope we can be more than friends who simply laugh and joke around
I wanna a friendship that we shared deep things like how i did with others
I know you and I know you will be a great friend
But our friendship seems to be stagnant since after it blossomed
There are so many other things that distract you.
I want you to know I will be there for you.
Maybe I am biased towards you.
But sincerely,
I dont want this friendship to die out.








I want to be on the track after 2 mths. I want to eat chong pang .






Finally I got the energy, the mood and the state of mind to blog. Nothing much happen this week. Just That I didnt know there was a chem test on friday and therefore I sort of screw it up. But it's okay. I shall make next week onwards be studying time. No more time to procrastinate. I need to spend less time on msn now. Yesterday was the wam night. Had guitar until 8. And we get to eat pizza. Then a few of us rushed to the jacob gate but realised it was closed. Decided to take mrt instead. Finally reached nexus. It is the first time i been to wam night and I can say that it is super cool. Finished around 9 plus. Go eat ice cream with tim. Reached home around 10 plus. And I dropped the keys. Thank God livi was at home HAHA.






It 's really heartwarming to know people cares for all that you are going through now. And they are trying their best to help. But I just feel so sorry sometimes, because I think I already recieved much of their helps and sacrifice. And none of this will happen, if the person who care a tinge about me. And people wont have to make unnecessary sacrifices for me. So sorry en, deb, singhun, timothy and gavin. I think I scared all of you by remaining uncontactable. But nothing happened, just Bus 100 took hundred years to come.

So many things to settle . I don't know where to start. Sometimes I have this thought. God I am still too young to settle these things. I cant handle. Can I run away first?

run away run away run away run away.
Wont it be good to have normal life?
I dont want my life to be that exciting anyway.
Less drama; less worries.






So many things to do. So little time. This week faster go. I am not used to being busy. Tomorrow after school need to go qianhui's house to get the pants for rehearsal. Not enough time. And need to contact my mum quick to get the necessary stuff. Quick post before I go sleep.

But anyway, it is all about smiling at the storm right? so I SMILE.






yesterday my heart was dead. No more hope. No more expectations. But it is ok. I can do it without you. I got so many more who cares. It is a big turning point. What to do now? I am somewhat scared. I thought I could die of heartache but i realise I emerge stronger. Lost my wallet in the shop. But I did not worry. Because I dont believe God can give me one setback after another. Or because I don really care already, I lost something that is a big part of my life already. Prayed in the mrt with tr. And Hsiao en found it. I love this shepherd, qian hui, tian ruo. In times of such crisis, they offered their helping hand to me and I thank God for them. especially tiao ruo, who stood by me and gave me strength till the very end. I am so so touched when she say she will work after her A's to support me.

Nothing gonna hold me back now. Only when I fall down till I know I am actually that strong.
I thank God for this testing in my life for I know I will never be the same anymore. Little is given. But I will work hard hard. For I know God will not shortchange me.

give me strength and courage....






&$&&@#&#&(@*&)#()@#*@#@(#)!)(!)@#)(&#@#(#@#*#*#*#(*#

my comments for today..














From tomorrow onwards I will be a super duper busy student. Sat will be a hectic day.
See my schedule:
SAT
8-10am: Meet qian in botanic garden taking pics
10-11 plus: choir
11-2 plus: meet zachery to buy prezzies
2-5pm: Service
5pm onwards: JAE outing, PAE outing or movie outing( I think I will be most probably going to movie. But I want to go the other 2 too. Why all on saturday??
SUNDAY
Packing up and cleaning up RC i think. And study maths test.
MONDAY
Supposed to watch rugby match SA vs AC but got guitar rehearsal which is until 10 pm . Which means I cant go( Arrgh!!)
Tuesday
Maths test and caregroup . WHOOSh!
Wednesday
guitar until evening . Meeting qian qian at night.
Thurday.
Guitar until 10 pm again. No life.
Friday
GUITAR CONCERT!!! like finally!

And I have not include shepherding because I cant see any timing that is free. And things I need to do regarding the moving. Also, meeting minghui. WAHHH ! dont do this to me. I am a slacker. I need to slack.






Wednesday
school again~ I hope one day I will actually enjoy school, best is looking forward to school. But it is highly impossible because I never enjoyed school before. Maybe when I was in kindergarden I did enjoyed it. Then after school we went to eat in SAS( ferza, ivy, caroline and alicia and me) . I tried the noodle stall because no more yong tau foo. WAH! I cant finished it coz it is sooo...bleahx. I will never go that stall anymore. Anyway when going back to SAJC tt time, ferza was oogling at *****. In the sun somemore. Super hot.But me and caroline forced her to go back to school coz I meeting yikming outside guitar room. After that , went for guitar practice. YAY innoroom! not warm and stuffy like H102 but super duper cold. Anw finished at 7 like tt. Went off to meet hsiao en. Talked about stuff while eating dinner. Doing stupid stuff( en I noe you wanna scratch ya ****) And I met mr Wan in 7-11. Got a shock because he was behind me. For one moment I cant remember who he is. Was wondering who is that guy.Then I remembered- Mr Wan , my guitar teacher.


the last lap 's over. Now it is one last thing to do before i finally get settled. Lord help me accomplish it by next week end. Amen.

Thursday
Now going out to meet the rest. Didnt go with them to eat lunch because I having lunch at home. Hope I wont lose my way later.






why girl you look so lost?
Standing at the field
Gazing at the ray...
The words spoke yet silence.
Telling the hurt.
That will never go away.

You dont know me
You dont even care
So please go away
If you are not here to help.
Just go away
Away






Seriously whatever man. Sheesh. That is so self contradicting. The best parodox I ever heard.






Physics is just horrible. Some people are borned to do badly in physics( me) naturally. Nevermind. Should not discouraged. Focused on chemistry and maths and econs now. Then during holidays I shall find some genius to teach me physics.

But but but but PHYSICS really sucks.

Sheesh I feel like eating kfc now.

Arrrgh i am missing my hse. The old kinda of smell. The cold marble floor. The windy kinda of feel. And the neighbourhood so quiet.






Today I shall say it is a very boring day. With many lessons to tolerate the whole day and with all weird teachers. Should have ponned the econs lecture. Waste my time. When school finally ended( which is like five?) , I rushed to Amk to meet joab to eat dinner. Super duper hungry. I only ate one burger throughout the whole day. After we finished eating, Jonquek came and he wanted to eat too. Then Jonquek became emo and start crying... so sad. Ok just kidding. He cant really take spicy food and he went to order lasak to eat which resut to constant tearing. But I think he make good progress as compared to that time when he ate curry chicken rice. Then we went amk lib to study. Then jon quek went for meeting. I saw gideon in the library and we discuss about some stuff. Whoosh it's coming. After that me and joab talked for awhile , went popular for awhile and went home. Didnt really managed to study but oh wells.

Tonight i gonna burn midnight oil and study hard for tomorrow. Then I will reached home early tomorrow to sleep and maybe meet hsiao en at night. Okay perfect plan. Coffee please dont fail me tonight.






Went to amk lib to study. Reached there around 2 . liting joab jon quek and gavin were alr there. However gavin jon quek and liting left gradually as they had band concert and stuff. So in the end, only left me , joab and timothy . I was super tired when reading the physics notes. So I decided to sleep. Timothy also went to sleep. So Joab was the only one awake. When me and tim woke up ard 20 mins later, Joab has written a card for each of us. He hid my card below my notes, which i do not know how he did that coz I am sleeping and drooling all over the notes. Then I realise tim was unsually hardworking today as he concentrated on writing alot of stuff on his foolscape paper. I thought he has really transformed or what. But then , he told us he has to copy the econs lecture notes coz he did not do his hmwrk>.< After that we went for dinner and joab intro-ed us to this super nice hippo place where we can eat ice-cream and play board games. But my stomach is super bloated after eating the ice-cream. Then went to search for tim's wheatgerm ( weird name for cereal) which is to no avail.

i don wanna go back now. You say I dont care. But do you even care in the first place? God know even before I ask and He gave. But you noe and you noe and i ask but still You dont care about my needs. Ask yourself first . Do you even care? If you dont care, please dont tell me that you care. Because it will just increase the bitterness in my heart. I don want to have bitterness in my heart. I am relieved. Because I know I have made the right choice. Though I may lose the " brighter future" else where. But I dont need to put up with all these. Soon.
God make it right. I am on the edge.






Friday
nothing special. Just that we have guitar concert rehearsal until ten. Not bad . Not as boring as I thought. Just plain tiring and hot. With no air con and all the carrying of stuff. And it was scary at night where I have to move the chairs to the music room and petch and tom had to carry the rest of the chairs from the CC. So I was alone for a while. There was this big mirror in front of me and I suddenly feel real scared. And petch and tom off the lights to scare me>.<. When we left the school , I decided to take a bus back home although it was five minute distance. Disclamier: i was not scared alright . I was just tired to walk.
Saturday
Utcm was fun and enriching. Especially hearing jon tay they all telling the stories of their thai trip. And happy brithday ming quan!!I mean what i say in your birthday card. After service the rest fo the girls need to go for college play so only left me , ens , limin , donny and yujun. And donny took my ezlink pic>.< delete it NOW! And joab also got it from somewhere. RRRAaagggh! take my picture need to pay money ! then after everyone of us( AJ/NY/SR/SA) went to eat swensens whoo! hearing yihui and huiqi tell stories from the thai camp that is really inspiring. Singaporeans( me too) YAO GROW!
Sunday
off to study with joab. singhun, jonquek, gavin , liting and timo now( wanted to write their baptised names but realise I cant spell all except pc's) Hope i will have a fruitful time studying and not regret like last week.






I thought today will be a slack day. But it is not. Gotta maths test. I guess I need to gain confidence in doing tests. Everytime before i start a test, I will have this jittery feeling that I will fail my tests. Guess it is becase last year I never pass any. Nevermind. I will slowly improve in this.

After school suddenly gotta GP lesson. SOOoooooooooo boring. Anyway, after school i met up with cass to go vivo. Shop around and felicia joined us ard 5 plus. Had a 3 hours shopping marathon. I died in the 3rd hour. You may not believe it. But I really hate shopping. I think everytime qianhui shop with me she will be not as high as when she shop with other people. She always complain i give the sianed/ bored/ want to die look. And I always look forward to when she went into shoes shop because there will be seats around. I can sit down and slack. And she like to ask me whether the shoe/clothes/whatever she is holding nice anot and I will say yes promptly because I am so bored. And she will say I'm entertaining her, which is exactly what I am doing:) HAHA cherie it;s okay will still accompany you to shop but just make it to 2 hours . That one is my maximum endurance level.






Tuesday
Boring day in school again. Went to school drenched even though I had an umbrella. And screwed up chem test because I did not have enough time to finish( last time i had lots of time c because I dont know how to do alot of questions, both are equally bad). Then me and the rest of SACG went to tpy tgt where we met deb and jon quek there). Oh wells I am glad it was rather smooth in the end and I am very glad deb and jon quek were there. Gives me a great sense of security HAHA. So we spend time and have fun .... etc( I am so lazy to elaborate)
Wednesday
Sport's day!!!! HAHA our class got into the finals woots. I did not take part though( like obviously, if i can run i think pigs can fly). After sports day, our class went to eat in the hawker centre opposite Chomp Chomp( I wanted the class to eat in chomp chomp ; little did i realise that it only opens at night>.<) I guess I realise our class are really full of jokers HAHA. Then a few of us went to OG for a while. Wanted to meet joab to study. But I was too tired and sleepy after lunch so I decided to go home to sleep Wheeee~














Today is a fun fun and packed day.
Had meeting with debbie in the afternoon.
And I met tiomothy on the way as both of us were late .
And donny thought it started at 130
when it is supposed to end at 1 30.
Today is a blast.
Whatever that is prophesized
seem to be speaking to me and the situation i am in right now.
Then we went to some
muslim stall to eat dinner.
Had a hard time counting the bill.
So i just turned really
bored and just sat there because I do not like things that involved maths.
Then me,
deb, donny, faith, peu, pc, gavin, jonquek, tim ,sh and darren went to play arcade
and I realised me and peu is really lousy in basketball.
After that, deb they all have to
leave and
left five people- donny, tim, peu , pc and me to play 3 kings in carls junior. I
was super bloated after drinking so much lemon tea.
And i managed to reach home
before 10. Whee~






I just have a talk. Hey sorry for being so not understanding/childish/immature. I know I cant solved all these problems. But at least I know all about it now.I am not that powerful. One thing i wish is that we can go back to one month ago. When we know how to stop him from deteriotating. But what is done cannot be undone. And the frustrating thing is we cant control it.

Maybe you really cant do anything. But I wont succumb. When there is a will there will be a way for me. I will solved it:)






yesterday was a super tired day. My teacher summoned me to see her, which caused yikming to wait for 10 mins. So sorry yeah. But she was nice and all so it was not too bad. And guitar lessons was so long. It ended around 7 45 . I was feeling super sian during the pract. Not because of anything but there was this " butterfly" feeling inside me. I was getting all jittery because I thought what i want to do after i reached home. But in the end, I didnt do what i want to do because I was so tired after i reached home and can not be bothered to do anything.

This is the last and most important lap. So sorry for being doubtful but what if the outcome is not what i wanted? I will be so so so disappointed seriously. I will simply feel .....haish I dont noe what i will feel but it will not be a good feeling. God please help me make it right. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE.






BOILING WITH FRUSTRATION AND DISAPPOINTMENT!

!!!!! i KNEW YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO SO BUT YOU SIMPLY CHOOSE NOT TO. DONT TELL ME YOU CANT BECAUSE I KNOW YOU CAN . IF YOU NEVER COME BACK AND TELL ME ALL THOSE STUFF I WILL NOT EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOU. OH MAN I AM SO DISAPPONTED!!!!






I gonna blog about the most boring day in the week- Monday. Nothing much

happened. Except I failed my napfa. I hate hate hate standing board jump. Haix.

ohohoh and enhao make the softball announcement after chem lecture which i think

was super funny HAHA( desperate yeah??)

I thought since I got no plans for the day after school , I might as well go home after

school since i slept so late yesterday. Then I remembered. There is some dialogue

session with some minister at 4:00pm. Therefore , I went SAS to eat with caroline and alicia and Ivy. Nice nice. But the tom yum soup splashed on my shirt. Like always.

After that , when I walking back, Enhao try to hit me with a tennis ball from the cafe

when I was on second level.I nearly got a fright of my life. And I screamed. So

embarressing. I went to slack and play some childish games with jason and all. I was

trying very hard not to sleep during the session but I am super tired after all the running.
Finally I reached home. Blogging about my boring day.














Guitar camp is over~ haha

whee i do miss my comp alot alot alot.

oh man and i accidentally bang Gavin's guitar against the wall a few times.

So sorry

The camp was not bad:D fun

The food is NICE~






Just when i thought I have gotten rid of it. Another comes by. Then another . Then another. Sometimes they come together. When will I ever learn? That none of it will ever happened. But still I allow it, I enjoy it. What a good wastage of time.
Oh wells~






Oh wells darren shawn linus and shem have officially stepped into the days of no hair.. In the end i did not get to send them off. But nevermind, they will still be alive and kicking ( I hope)
after around 3 weeks so i still can see them:D

Nothing interesting happened today. Except we got scolded by this super gay teacher( shant say who) . First time I got scolded and I find it super funny. Reached home around 6 plus after cca and was so tired that I went to sleep.

Whee~ today is the almost nil homework day so i can slack slack and slack:D Guitar camp on friday. Hmmm
missed life concert.
missed unit coreteam meet
missed ushering
missed service
may missed majong session with minghui and all on sunday

But oh wells
can bond with the guitar people
can learn new skills
can stay overnight in school ( super cool!!!)
free meals from muslim stall( my fave)

so yeah:D






Alright i did not pon school today. So I did not send shawn shem darren linus off to their NS life. oh wells. BYE BYE best blessings to you all. Meet up when you all come out in around 3 weeks time?? I do wanna see the no-hair heads. EXCITING~







Something's changed track
And they never fly
And they never fly

Reach up from the waves
You'll find that you're only waving goodbye
Only waving
You're only waving
You're only waving
You're only waving goodbye
Goodbye

There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end
--waiting 'round the bend,my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.













whee i am happy!!!! haha until i went home and did something to dim my mood again. Oh wells but still whee i am happy:D













just when i thought I have gotten the rose, then i realise...there are thorns on it. Going smooth until i got the plunge. And i dont even feel anything. It is called from disappointment to hopeless. Have you ever felt hopeless towards some things. This is it. Emotionless. But oh well, I am hopeless in making this situation better. I still have God. Why the sudden ups and downs? Guess God wants my life to be ever interesting as a roller coaster. But He always make things right just when i thought nothing could be done. Miracles have happened so why should I ever doubt.He works in ways I cant see. Even my heart is deep in sorrow again, He is still here. So I believe he will ...this time round . Too.






Gosh the longest record ever. Alright nevermind. I will sort it out. Tomorrow plan yay!! Remember be joyful in your heart. Have joy:D






I know it is for the better.
I know it is in His perfect plan.
I know nothing stays the same.
I know all will be well in the end.

But ...
just let me feel sad
just a while
just a while more

because I still can feel.
And i am not brave at all


Look how they shine for you,











I think i cant really differentiate my moods already. I can be really in a happy and ok mood..but actually i am sad. Alright I dont know whether I speak logic but I just cant feel of how I feel. It will be all in the "ok " mood. Even though things happen. But i really cant feel. Limin ask me whether i am struggling with something in my heart. I didnt mean not to tell but i really cant remember, I cant tell. Am i turnng into a weirdo?

I will be stronger . One last lap. He carried me through all this times. There is no reason that He wont lift me up through this last lap.

I will emerge as a stronger person soon. It's gonna be alright in the end. If it is not alright, it's not the end.






I am so bored. PLEASE. SOMETHING INTERESTING HAPPENSPLEASE. I am so bored but i dunno why. Not even goingout on weekends and meeting up with friends make me excited anymore. I am just BORED. And really really really very BORED






I now know the feeling that breaks people down. The feeling of helplessness. When you dont know if you are able to do it and people around you are not doing anything to help you. That's when you start feeling vulnerable and weak.
And I cant believe tears just came out of my eyes like that. It is so MINOR. But i do felt so helpless at that time.






School reopens~

No negative feelings towards it

Been feeling quite high for the first day of school

I guess it is impossible for 08s05 to hang out everyday now

But alright , we do not need to stick with one another everyday to continue this friendship i guess

I think 08s02 will be quite fun as we grow to know each other more and more

08s05 start with nothing too.






I should have done it in a nicer way..
should not have come out today. Or I should say , should go home early today .

Hate redox to the core. DONT understand!!! RRargghhh!

blogging blogging blogging

slacking slacking slacking

thinking thinking thinking

but but but

I knew about this long ago

but still....








Be friends again~ alrights.

sometimes people don't say what they mean and don't mean what they say.

sometimes people do not know why they are doing the things they dont mean to do

and things they want to do , they do not know why they are not doing.

I know, because they dont know how.

Do you understand what am i typing? I dont






Hey girl why are you feeling sad?
Twist your heart and all will be well
For blessed are those hearts who can bend,
They will never be broken.

Hey girl don't let this feeling stay,
If it's meant to be yours it will never go.
The most precious thing on Earth
Aren't things at all.

Hey girl soon you will realise,
It is just a bunch of bittersweet
YET irritating emotions
that soon will be wrapped in reminiscence

Hey girl at least you've got me,
the poem is meant for who?
oh wells i guess
It is for you.

Yay i studied today. haha . displaying the true mugginess spirit of 08s05 wahahaha.
While meeting qin in mac, sichuan came to the same place to meet val first. Then en came to meet jinger. Then minty came to take survey. And the last to make his arrival to mac is enie hao. Then 3 of us start to study in the tau hway shop. My mind wander here and there but at least i tried to study . And i was super amused by one sms. It is just plain FUNNY.






I am sure today will be an exciting and happy day . I can feel the pms-ing effect being over . Whee~ I think I am feeling high now haha. The best over the past one week. Moodswings- you go down down, down, hit the bottom then go up up up . So now is up.






today was slightly better. tomorrow is unit caregroup WHEE. friday meeting class to study( actually confirmed ones are only me , enhao , sichuan ) sheesh everyone come study together la.






I should be real excited. Because the deep deep secret , the deep deep fear, it has ended already. The biggest grey area in my life has been solved and done. And I know fully well that God's miracles done wonders in my life and has just turned my life around.
However, I am feeling low these few days , even lower than than few weeks back where supposedly it was turbulence . I dont get it. Now it is calm and even sunny, why do I feel so down? When big things come, the kind that come with a storm and waves and whatever it is, I learnt to trust God and I wont worry about it. However, it is the small things, the little setbacks , the things that really dont matter , which get me feeling so drained. Wrong focus? Or i dont trust God will bother to help in this small little setbacks because it is simply too minor?
Or maybe, when you start feeling down in your life, you will just continue to feel down? Take me back to the days of last year. I want to experience the joy of life again.
It really sucks to have this heavy kinda feeling, the feeling of not wanting to care about anything in this world, the feeling of wanting to disappear.

And it is dragging way too long.

there is rain in this place
there is rain in this place
It's dragging me down
It's dragging me down

It's full and bursting
but i cant tell anyone
please go away
for i wont tell anyone

Oh i saw the hole
the big black hole
i cant believe it
i just jumped in

it will be so easy
to be back to the place
but there is rain in the place
I didnt want to leave

And i cant tell anyone
I wont tell anyone.









Jia you J3s. I gonna keep u all in prayer.

I am a emo elmo.

It is nice being there with you.

Listening to you

See your smile.

If only...

well lucky it is if only...






I am floating by and by. So much uncetainty. Now I dont really dare to dream.






The special bonds we shared. There are too many distractions, too little time, too many people, too much awkwardness, and too little attention. It basically fades with the new faces.

Well, life's like that.






you seem to be a changed person..so much better actually. But then, I still dont believe that. Somehow i feel that you will reversed back anytime soon. I am still scared of you.






Before a better change to your life, you will have to go through a period whereby it feels real sucky.

Maybe it is time to stop the nightmares.






I will bite on and hang in there...the word is TOLERATE..just for this few weeks. And when I look back I will know u are with me all along..

PS: I dont want to study overseas!! NO!






I saw this old man. He has cuts on his leg. The leg is very swollen. And he is limping badly. I am so sure he has diabetics. I wanted to tell him to consult the doctor before worsen. However, I did not. Because he is a stranger and I had no courage to tell him.
And now I feel real bad.

Sometimes I think we really have the heart to help. But we just lack the courage.
You may think why helping people needs courage? But it takes alot of my courage to give up seats on the bus, pick someone up or simply wanting to help them take things? Not because I am unwilling. But because I lack the courage. I really want to help. But I don't dare.

Why?? I do not know the reason too.






I just realised..it is so hard to be exclusive. Everyone wants more. Hmmm, actually it 's normal to have more. I wanted alot more too. Nevermind, I will build my own exclusiveness.






This is so infuriating. Cant they just go on with their life? Stop bothering about me!!! It is none of your business cause you will never understand and you will not get to participate except to add on problems.

If only I can grow up faster then it will be over soon.

Lord give me strength please . Though I am hard with anger, grant peace in my heart.
Though I am disappointed and cry out, give me strength to carry on. Though the road is rocky and i am disillusioned, carry me on your shoulders.


Just utterly sppechless. I don wanna tok to anyone about it now. Just when i thought it's solved , it just get worse and worse. Lord are you telling life is not supposed to be the bed of roses that I thought it is ?

When i thought it is solved and ready to accept it with smiles and thumbs up, new problems just keep coming up. When is it going to be solved? I am already tired of this wait. Maybe God is trying to grow because i take things too lightly in the past. But God when am I going to get a break from all this? I am tired and bored and depressed.

Maybe it is all my fault. I shouldn't have done this I shouldn't have done that. I need God now. Dwelling on self pity again. Dwelling on life unfairness.

If not the hole will just suck me in soon.

Learn from limin's msn nick: Faith is not demanding what we want; it is trusting God's goodness in spite of life tragedies.

Let me continue to hold on with the little faith I left.






I sing the song again.

By looking at you in the eye.

Wont you just shiver?

As you hear my heart 's whisper.

Wont you be amazed?

By the secrets I contained

Wont you be sad ?

As it breaks and shutters.

I sing the song again

Hiding the little girl in

that dark corner of the room

Once again.

Just like how it used to be,

but this time, I sang

By the lyrics I want to tell.

Played with the tears that fall from my eyes

Refilled with strength from above.

Can you feel my spirit?

It will be unbreakable.

Can you feel my joy?

It will be uncontainable.

Because this time

There is someone bigger

Who will hide and shield me

From all the elements that fall from the sky.

I sing that song again.

That is my prayer with a tune.

Amen.






I dont feel like going out lately..watever outing..the mere thought makes me wanna sleep. Think i have gotten the crouch potato disease. Or mayb i exceeded my quota of going out during the holidays so now i want to stay at home. HAIZ. must be.
Revive the desire to go out! I dun wanna feel so BORED . But then, I am simply lazy.


Dunno why am I feeling guilty...

hmmm. I want to eat new york new york.






I shall learn to love fear and anxiety.

Reject or no reject?

Regrets or no regrets?

Who cares? I just wanna do my own way and have my own fun.

A whole new perspective

God bless the week ahead.






Anw ytd was amazing race for the unit:D FUNFUNFUN!! haha but need to walk alot:( i need to reach home at 7pm but then...if I go home prompty at that time, it means that next time I will be expected to reach home at that time too.Sorry Istana I need to leave halfway coz I need to rush home. I really hate the groundings. I feel so...restricted. When can I get my freedom back?? Boohoohoo

Talked to Tianruo about some things. I realised how things around us changed so much. Maybe last time was too extreme. Therefore it is surprising to us when things turned normal.













GOD is GOOD!!!! If you all dunno, my mum called me on my handphone today.From LONDON. And tt spells DEATH. Because I was not supposed to come out on Saturday. To make things worse, i neva pick up the phone so when i hear the viocemail, she was FURIOUS.Threatening to kick me out of school and stuff. I was super scared and i am really at a loss of what to do. When I was walking towards the mrt station, my mind was just numb with fear. I just sms everyone I could think of to pray for me. Then i started to pray, asking God to give strength, wisdom and tactfulness. The amazing thing is that when i reached my block, I was no longer afraid but my heart was just in peace. And through hsiao en's sms I realised God is trying to grow me. So I pick up courage to call my mum and my brother. When I heard their vioce and scoldings, I do not feel weak all of a sudden, instead i felt I was powerful. I just calmly cut them off and explain to them. First time in my life that I was talking to them as an equal. God is great. He enabled me to deal with my worse fear. All of a sudden everyone was no longer angry. And the Holy spirit just flow through me. Putting words in my speech that I can deal with this matter not as a rebellious teenager but as a child of God. I am going to email my mum next week that by hook or by crook I am going out on Wednesday, Saturdays, and Sundays. I may not know the outcome , I may not know whether it will be approved , I may not know what is coming, BUT, I noe God's behind me. So guys, If you are reading this and believed that God exists, pray for me:D






When I was young
I'd listen to the radio
Waitin' for my favorite songs
When they played I'd sing along
It made me smile.

Those were such happy times
And not so long ago
How I wondered where they'd gone
But they're back again
Just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well.

Every Sha-la-la-la
Every Wo-o-wo-o
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they're startin' to sing's
So fine.
When they get to the part
Where he's breakin' her heart
It can really make me cry
Just like beforeI
t's yesterday once more.

Lookin' back on how it was
In years gone by
And the good times that I had
Makes today seem rather sad
So much has changed.

It was songs of love thatI would sing to then
And I'd memorize each word
Those old melodies
Still sound so good to me
As they melt the years away.

Every Sha-la-la-la
Every Wo-o-wo-o
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they're startin' to sing's
So fine.

All my best memories
Come back clearly to me
Some can even make me cry.
Just like before
It's yesterday once more






Oh no...why is it happening again???...Good or Bad?? i dun really noe...



Why arent you talking much to me now? What happened? Is it because...






I got GROUNDED!! this is seriously the worst thing!!!! I cant go out on WEEKENDS?? This is CRAZY!! People if u are reading my blog now, Help me pray that my mum will forget abt the curfew soon. BEST is less than one month! Do help to pray k. If not i might go nuts.















Taking A Day Away(With God)







A big problem on my hand now..but God I promise I wont worry about it and that it will solve by the end of Jan. Amen.
If you really decide on that, I will not depend on you. Instead, I will depend on myself. At the end of the day it will be you who never fulfil your duty, not me. And i promise myself I will do it very well.






Time to sort out my problems now...I felt so burdened lately..so many problems that i am facing. Okie let's sort it out now
1) okok this is half solved alr...but how to break it to my London relatives
2) I guess this can only be solved if i do something to it. It's easy but which will be the APPROPRIATE one??
3)GOD i seriously need ya miracles here. Know it;s hard to solve but lord please help me!!!
4) I guess i will use the week of hols to fast and pray for this. It will be solved.

I like to write the problems in my diary. Because I noe it will be solved eventually. And when i look at it next time. I will realise i do not need to be worry of such trivial stuff at all.


hmmm...i dunno which position i am playing now..but it should not be a game at all. Maybe in the end only i will think that it's a game. Lord do forgive me:(






Jon is gone~:(






It's THE night before camp. Lord I pray that all my camp objectives set will be achieved during the camp.Allow me to be sensitive to your voice during the camp. Help me to be refreshed and grant me great strength for whatever that is ahead of me. All the hidden burdens and fears, let me leave them outside the Singapore Sports School. Let this four days be filled with your presence. Help me to grow in courage, strength, passion and wisdom. Help me draw near to you during these four days. Also, I commit the brothers and sisters in the caregroup unto your hands. I pray that you will speak to us and bring the SA group from glory to glory. Let us not be weary as we are running in this race. Help us see that the more we serve you, the greater joy we will have. Even times when we have a lot of things to deal with, let us be the joyful servants as we are the privileged ones to serve you. Also,Our care group will bond even deeper and we will be the spiritual family that work together hand in hand for you lord. In Jesus name I pray, amen.






I didn't want to wake up but there's no chioce. It's okay. It will not be half as beautiful as real life. I'm glad that that kind of magical feeling i still remembers...It's great to experience something that beautiful.






Now is 4 am in the morning and why am i here..blogging away?? It's because I fell ASLEEP at 11 today!!! W/o turning off the comp and signing out of msn! So i woke up to see my screen blinking away, and i never reply them:( So sorry I was snoring my head off just now. Don get offended if I never reply you k:D Then I check my phone,only to see a few sms that needs to be replied asap. AND I WAS ASLEEP!!! Hate it. Bet this time was the earliest time I slept in this holidays. But still, Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee, i dont like to sleep this early. It's supposed to be my most awake time of the day. Then i could not do alot of things I could have done. :(

And i had some weird dreams just now. I was dreaming that there is wide destruction in the whole world. All of us are supposed to climb on this paticular mountain by 12 am on a certain day. But there are many who did not the heed the warning and continue to dwell on the flat land. When it's 12 am , those who are still on flat land died. And those on the mountain can only watch them die, not being able to offer any help. What struck me most is that in such a historical moment like that, experiencing something so great, I was still holding on to some petty thoughts in my head, focusing on something that is so unimportant compared to the things that are happening around me.

It does show something right....







Aiya whatever la..too much thinking makes my head hurts. Dont wanna care about it . Heehee, I know i know, escaping from my problems right? Sure. But then, thinking about it, making my head hurts , in the end, it's simply out of my control. Conclusion: I got more important stuff to do and to think about. So whee, BYEBYE!






...................................................................................................................
...................................................................................................................
hmmmmmmmm..........ehhhhhhhhhh......................uhhhhhhhh
...................................................................................................................
SPEECHLESS.

Time to make a difference, an improvement. If you want it, make it yourself. Even others may not realise it, I knew there must be a change. No excuses for stagnancy. What's lacking? You know it. I see it. All these months. Not something to reminiscence . It's something that we will build on for a long long time. No one to change it?? I will take the first move. Don tell me there's little time so let it be. Don tell me this kind of stuff is just so hard to control. If it's not genuine, I am gonna throw it aside. Don be so choked by these issues that God's light fails to shed upon us. It's not a show. All it takes, is a heart that really cares.

PS: remember the two promises i make today:D






After the inspiring talk with qian hui to have the determination to lead a healthy lifestyle on Tuesday, we commemorate that day by doing something REAL constructive. WE EAT KFC BUDDY MEAL. Kill me.







Whhhhee!!!!I WANT TO EAT SUSHI!!!! SERIOUSLY:D







Sunday was well...until i reached home. I was just so angry. Trust me. This is the first time i felt so angry in my life. But I'm glad that my anger neva lasts through the night. If not it will be a nightmare night again.Jalea ask me be4..what will make me sad...becoz i look so happy everyday. Well..i guess the only thing in my life that can put me down , hurt my feelings, will be my family. Ironic rite?Troubles always are from home and refuge and peace only comes when i'm out of the house. Had a talk with Qian hui. It's a bad week for both of us. Qianhui says troubles are for us to solve. I say I cant solve, it's not within my control. I can only choose to ignore. One day the sun will shine on me..even though i maybe at home. I suddenly wish I can grow up soon. Someday I will not need to face these troubles that they create for the sake of drama. I know you don care. And you neva cared for all these years anyway, so don't pretend you care and tries to show you are in control of my life by doing absurd stuff. Because I cant appreciate it. But my heart still hurts when I remembered what you all did when he's around. Because I still care. He's the one you all care. I'm the one who always be left behind. You all go worry and gaga when he's sick. But no one even noes when I'm sick. I tired of this difference in treatment. Why must i listen to him? He, too. never cared about how i feel all this while. He only wants me to do all the things he likes. You all wants me to do all he wants me to do because you all noe that it makes him happy. But do you know I am not happy? I don mind not talking to him for five years. This is the most childish thing I heard people do. Seriously, get him to grow up. Please don't shield him bcause you cant be there for him all his life. He cant depend on you and remain at home always. Get a life outside . Ask him please dont be a baby. He's twenty plus now. Dont always expect people will take care of him. Dont let him learn to grow up through the hard way. I noe U all neva cared and will neva care. But I'm not sad now. Because God is with me and He tells me I will not need to have a lonely home always. My future is bright. Ignorance is bliss. I agree. All the things you say, all the things you do, it's does not cut my heart that deep anymore when I'm just a young kid. Because your importance, it no longer exists in my life. But I do want to love you. I want to be affectionate to you too and i desire to be loved by you. Like how i see in other families. Just so many times you push me away. I cant bear to even hear your vioce anymore.You noe how surprised how i was when in March when I talk to you on the phone. Though it's only a few sentences, it's the first time you speak nicely to me. First time in my 17 years. How funny...How sad...I will still be nice to you and i promise I will treat you all well when i grow up. But i can never learn to love you anymore. Because you have neva shown me how.






Yesterday was a fun fun day!!! Gotta meet up with caregroup. EAT . Watch stardust. EAT again. Dear caregroup next time we don eat , we exercise. Change to this
" Gotta meet up with caregroup. RUN TEN ROUNDS. Watch stardust. RUN TWENTY ROUNDS." okie SET!! My heart burning with determination. Whahahaha. And Jon could not stop laughing after watching stardust( Note: it's not a comedy, it's some sort like a fantasy movie) He thinks it's super corny.And i thinks it's super funny coz the way Jon larf is super funny. He laughed as though it's the biggest joke on the whole universe. JON U ARE SUPER FUNNY!!!And after the movie, we went Prata House for supper and i reached ard 1 plus. Hehe. No one scolded me when i reached home . HEHE. God's blessings!! But still i decide to remain at home today to continue the image of a guai grand-daughter and daughter. So i went out again at 8 plus at night to have dinner with hsiao en , nettie and Jon before they went for their adventure of night-cycling. Me?? I need to conserve energy before I go all out to exercise next week. I PROMISE. I will start exercing next week. See my heart?? It's burning with determination again!SO i meet up with minhui and guess what is the most constructive thing we did-------EAT. Hsiao en i need to confess to you. i had two suppers tonight. Sorry I will neva do that again. PROMISE!! So me and minghui did a lame thing. We wait for the Coffee Bean ppl to leave then we sit on their couch to read Newspaper and talk.Hehe. And i found this job ad. "Looking for people to lose 3-5 kg be4 christmas. Call XXXXXXXX" whahahahaha.!What kind of job is this man?? Tmr is gonna be another fun fun day:D






I found a new diet plan. To eat food that I cooked . Because it is just horrible. I cant even bear to eat half of it.






I finally got to meet up my caregroup besides service day. There are so many things I wanna blog about, but I decided not to.


Sometimes i want to try hard and see through everyone, but many times I cant. And i ended up feeling so confused and i dunno what was i trying to do. Maybe I should leave everything to God's hand. Just that I was so curious. Maybe if i adhere to the ten year's pact it will be better. No troubles, no spectaculation. God I pray that i will have a contented heart. Greediness makes a person troubled and sad. But i know i am not meant to be a sad person. Coz I'm not. I love to smile . I love to laugh. I love to see happiness in everyone. I love to think about happy stuff and laugh to myself on the bus. I love to think about the bright future i going to have. I like to do embarrassing stuff and feel the thrill of it. But there are times when I'm down too. And i don know how to make them go away. The things i want, I may feel it's just a centimetre away but when i reach out to it, Whoosh! And it's gone. Many times I feel alright because I know there are better things in my life I ought to be thankful for. But there are some things you wanted so badly, when it's gone , your heart just sinked to somewhere so deep. I know there will be something better because God has His perfect plan. However, at that time , these things just seem so unreplacable and I'm so uncertain if there will ever be something better after i lose it. There are a million thoughts in my mind spinning each moment. And sometimes not all of them are pleasant. I dread, I fear, I can feel disappointment, I can feel sadness. Sometimes I'm insecure. I cant go to you at times because I'm ashamed by these negative thoughts. I'm scared what people see me as is not exactly what i am. Maybe who i thought i was is not exactly who I am.

There are so much beauty I want to include in my life. Something to take my breath away. I want to have this excitement in my life. An excitement that is so of abundance that it simply make my heart leap for joy.

I want to run on the hills and feel the morning breeze. I want to bathe inside the lake in a moon-lit night, and smile to my reflection in the water. I want to walk in the lane of Autumn and watch the leaves dance. I want to drive on the road at night and sing a song for myself. I want to touch the fur of the cat and hear it purr. Most of all, I want God to hold my hands and smile at me as the day comes for me to see Earth from afar. He will tell me I will never have negative thoughts anymore. He tells me there are much more in my life than now. I will never need to be confused anymore. I will never be uncertain anymore.

PS: please remember something u promise God today. And it starts today:D






I went to Jon quek 's house to learn guitar today:D I almost lost my way. But somehow Jon quek appeared at the bus stop and somehow i managed to see him and somehow i was clever enuf to get down. MUST be God's blessings!!! And Jon quek's house is super cute. It's exactly what Poh choon has decribed. The guitar teacher of the day is IAN . Everybody applause!!Haha. I learnt 4 chords and some drumming stuff. Gotta say it's a very fruitful experience, although my fingers became swollen. THANKS ian:D! Around evening i went to Boon Keng to eat dinner with tianruo. ANd guess what we ate again?? KFC. hehe. FATFAT but it's okie becoz it's the only meal i ate that day. After dinner we start strolling ard Boon Keng. So two girls+after dinner+strolling= talk about future and weird stuff. So what we talk about what will happen after 5 years. I really wanna know what will happen in 5 years time. I hope I will be a much better person then now. Seriously. That was when i realised I was not a kid anymore. I 'm gonna be an adult in a short 5 years time. So scary. I cannot shirk responsibility by saying I know nothing better because I'm a child still. NO! I'm adult. Sad.....I'm getting old so soon. And before I know it, people will call me auntie. HELLO AUNTIE!!






Let me blog about my fav day of the week- SATURDAY!! yea!! finally the J2s are not stressed alr and we can PLAY tgt. So, me , jon, nettie, seow wei n limin went to play pool. It's my first playing pool and i admit, i suck at it!!! hehe but nvm, it' still FUN!! And can see who's so pro! and still got qinning, peu, shem and zhixian , then poh choon and weixiang. It' s fun fellowship anw. So at night we chiong to cafe cartel to eat half-priced cakes.Ok. Only me is enthusiatic about it. But the cakes VERY VERY nice:D.Dear caregroup, can we go there every saturday?? PLEeeeeeeeeese. Hehe and guess what, i wanna do the jon quek way of eating bread-with butter and sugar. So i took alot of " sugar" and after i help every1 spread, limin tasted it and say it's SALTY. Then i realised what i took is salt, not sugar. So sorry!! After that we went to arcade and play. It's fun again and i suck in the games again. HEHE. And going to arcade is really wasting money becoz in a short haf an hour, we wasted 8 dollars . When we are going home , I have a PLEASANT surprise which ends my day with a happy note. HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY!














okie to continue from friday.. I got to meet up with dear sheep qin ying:D I was so good to entertain her after her soccer training and guess what she said. " xingyi you are making my headache worse" Hmmmph!!! not evryone can listen to my beautiful voice wan okie. ok just kidding . Hope U get well soon. ANd ya headache gets better after listening to my beautiful voice:D hehe then after i went tpy to meet up with fat pig siah qian hui!! whahaha! then when we are having dinner she saw my nelson mandela book on the table like this:



And u noe what she say??? " hey this man is the GOd from Evan Almighty" HELLO!! din't u see the words NELSON MANDELA and HISTORY MAKER?? when is MORGAN FREEMAN a history maker?? what can i say?? to have a friend like this? may God's wisdom be upon her. AMEN!



























































and as we walk around we saw this:


we tot to ourselves why is there two weird ppl standing there and not moving...then as we walk closer.....



















































They are actually:

Not exactly human beings...hehehehe . We are so blur.






Okay yesterday was the last combined Jc1 caregroup and it was FUN!!! i woke up at 8 plus plus from the morning call liting gave and lucky she called me, if not i will be... anw me and liting reached AJ, so while waiting for Jon quek, we go disturb zhiyan. YOU noe what was the pleasant surprise??? I met Chan yurong and keet yeng!!! hehehe cedarians everywhere! It was fun fun fun!! then join quek came and we start running around the track. But after 3 rounds i decided to give up and i go back to disturb yurong and all.oh man, we must go out soon, I DON CARE!! with wanling, shimin and all.okokokok?? SO later zhixian came and we played for a while. Then we went to eat lunch together when gavin finished his cca. okie i'm getting lazy again so a quick summary. Then we went for caregroup and the games are disgusting!!!haha i feel so dirty. after caregroup we went to eat dinner. The venue for lunch and dnner is the same but the people i eat with is different, except for Jon quek. Quite funny. Then we hang around and I went home ard 10 plus. Guess what, I fell asleep on the bus. hehe . I was so so tired. Then when i opened my eyes, JUST NICE, it was my stop!!! I really thank God for waking me up at that time . If not i will just sleep until the terminal i guess. AND i am overslept today again!!!ARRGH!! i think i got sleeping disorder. I am supposed to meet Minghui at 1130 but i reached at 12 plus . SO sorry minghui!!! i think i need more than 2 alarm clocks. Should buy one more and make it three.okay minghui u buy for me:D






hehe:D today is such a tiring day!! i exercise after like half a year of slacking:D i've decided! i will now stop thinking of what i wan to do, but to do what i want to do!! I just believe that life has more for me. Not just a mundane teenage and student's life.There must be somthing more exciting God has in store for me. I really want to find and learn a skill that i will be passionate for. Not just for adding spice in my life but also doing it for the glory of God. I do believe if i was passionate for something, mayb I will realise that the trivial stuff that I'm worrying in my life may not seem to be that impt anymore.






It's four am in the morning and i still cant sleep. I do hope it's raining or something. It helps me to sleep and somewhat made me feel good about myself. i do hope i was diligent last week. Then i wont need to worry so much but it's okie. don really regret it . I dunno why i cant upload photos recently. I guess just wait and the problems will somehow solve by itself. I kinda of read my diary just now. the old one with the bears picture on it. It always amazes me how much i have changed over the years. There's good, there's bad too. But I'm glad that God is now my fave word in the diary. Then I wonder, how will i feel when i read my blog after like 10 years... how will i have change? Will i read it and laugh at the Xingyi today? And think about how could xingyi even be worrying about such trivial stuff? I do hope I will be able to laugh at the Xingyi today. Because it will show that I have matured through the years. I don want have the same scope of perspective and the same kind of feelings i have on certain matters after 10 years. There's always a time for growth and i do need that in my life.






Guess it's over now...I believe so. The squeeze in my heart. There is really nothing to hold back now. Not even a glimpse.














Yes i saw it....but nope..not sad at all... coz it's none of my business...it has nothing to do it with me. Why should i be sad or even thinking am i sad...i'm not sad at all.






























Byul-Kim Ah Joong

The wind knocks on the window
over the room as small as me
Twinkling stars so beautiful
filling the room with love
Don't be hurt
Caressing my wound gently
Embracing me to sleep
Too hurt for my legs to walk
My eyes are blurry with tears
Before love never meant for me
I will keep on smilling
Like those stars embroidered in my eyes
I will Love you forever

A nice song from the 200 pounds Beauty






Today is a boring day. I wake up , eat and sleep and wake up again. Haha. And i overslept !!!!!!!!! Too bad that i overslept. Whatever i guess. So be it. Any ways today i quarrelled with my granny over some trivial stuff. Sorry because I know I must have respect for the elders. But still... Anyway, i was so shocked that Papa stand on my side this time. It feels he's back to his normal self again, back to last year, back to before he start his menopause( I'm not sure whether he turned bad-tempered because of menu pause or what, but that is the best explanation)

I do hope you all will never come back. I'm so sorry because i know this is bad. God taught me to love. And i think i do love everyone around me. However, I just cant let it go and love you too. It's irony because i ought to love you most. But it seems more that i fear you more. You two are the only fear in my life. Sometimes when i dream of you, it's a nightmare. Actually it's not sometimes, it's every time. It's unbelievable but yet seem so normal to me. I secretly hope for 10 years later to come so i wont need to face you anymore. God is telling me to overcome this area because they are my dearest ones, supposedly. But God you seen the fear in my life, and I am afraid, very very afraid. This is the area that i hold so dearly to my heart. Just one push and I might tumble and fall. You say" Step out and all will be well" but i am scared once i let go of the pole and take a step, i will fall.

I woke from this dream so true,
Lord how can i forget the pain and shame you suffered.
Yet i'm into all this mess again.
How much love you have for me,
To forgive me again and again.

Lord i just want to say,
i'm sorry....













it's really sad that the week finished with this kind of ending, coz it's been a fabulous week if Sunday is excluded. But well, gotta be contented becoz the fruit of my lablur gonna compensate for everyhing. okie, i promise myself i will guai guai stay at home tmr. i PROMISE i wont go out. hehe. coz the rest of the week i gonna stay out late! Rock on!!! oh, n must remind myself to organis an outing for the ex grads grp girls . It's been one whole year that we neva gather together alr. Miss the card games we have tgt in Meridian n Istana Park. SO, we must gather tgt n celebrate jolene, huiying n minhui 's bdae. EXCITING!!! After promos it's like a time to meet up all ya frens! but i enjoy it! Blessed!!!






i am so tired lately...but i also feel guilty when i say that because i 've too busy playing this week:D Today is the fourth majong session in jon tay house. i"m like addicted to it:D hehe. but it's okie coz it provides a good bonding session. Going home late is another problem.. i noe my curfew is actually be4 12 but i just wanna try going home after 12. NAughty right??? today when i go for service, all the j2s in my cg just seems so stressed. Can u believe it? everyone is staring at their drink during lunch time n not TALKING!! this is scary!!! where is my crazy n talkative cg??? i noe that they are stressed but there is so little i can do to help. And i feel abit guilty for playing coz i noe they are dying to play too. Going for post serv j1 outing may prove to be a big blow for them??? hehe. i dunno:( Another thing is that i do worry about the health of my Papa:( he's been coughing since i reached home. he's down with cold again i guess:( Anw, i guess what jon tay say was right... bonding session is GREAT but we musn't be too comfortable with one another n forgot what our purpose is: to bring more new ppl. I guess i always fall into this category. When the group is great, i simply forgot the urgency. Yup! learning point noted. And mayb it's the time i shld start evaluating my weaknesses n improve on them: lack of discipline, slackness, lack of passion. Yup!!!!






hehehe...actually there are other things i wanna blog abt. But this is so cool becoz my blog is finally working properly n the posts can be seen. Haha. Sorry i am noob when it comes to computer stuff n those that requires technical skills. Hehe.This week, I've learnt how to post a testimonial on friendster as taught by liting( okie it sound stupid) , now i'm going to learn how to upload photos frm phone to comp from qianhui( sorry it sound stupid again). Oh, n i learnt how to play majong this week after two sessions of majong in jon tay's hse:D. Hehe. lots to catch up yeah:D And THANKS to jon quek who fix my blog n poh choon who help me find blogskins. There are many things i wanna write down but it's late n my bed is calling out to me" XINGYIIII, XINGYIII!!!" so haha. i GONNA sleep:)

Chung Xingyi:D
Child of God

I want everlasting peace I love Jcnea. Currently study in SAJC.

yHOPE

jon

pohchoon

liting

qianhui

limin

jolene

debbie

minghui

jin huey

xiao shuo

shawn

archives♥

October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009

credits♥

This skin is proudly brought to you by YVON!. Images were from foto decadent. brushes were from here and here. the background was from here. fonts were from dafont and images hosted by photobucket.
all image edits were done in adobe photoshop cs3